April 4, 1970 (80)
Angel darling, my lovable wife forever,
This marks my 80th letter to you—so many pages, so many
words, each one intended to demonstrate my unwavering commitment and
indestructible love for you. My faithfulness is absolute, and every thought,
word, and action is guided by my devotion to you and our hope for reunion,
which I pray will come very soon.
To be honest, I don’t want to hide anything from you. Your
last letter, which I received on Tuesday, hurt me deeply—not the entire letter,
but a single sentence in the first paragraph of your aerogram. You suggested I
write to you every day for ten minutes, saying, “I hope you can give me at
least ten minutes every day.” Angel, my angel na jeevam, remembering that
sentence saddens me. I am certain this is not what you truly meant, because you
know that all I am is yours.
When I am alone in my apartment, I am with you. When I am driving,
I am with you. Even the small sacrifices I make—like rarely going to the
movies, not drinking Coke, quitting smoking—all are for you and our future. My
move to Ottawa was mainly for you. If you saw me now, you’d know how much your
last letter affected me. I am crying, feeling your words are unjust, as if I
don’t even give you ten minutes each day. I have tried hard in my letters not
to burden you with my worries, knowing you already have enough troubles as we
work towards our reunion. Still, the pressure on me is growing.
Angel, I feel a deep responsibility for your happiness after
you arrive in Canada. I want to offer you comfort and security, but it’s not
easy, even here in North America. Life is difficult, and inflation is rising.
Despite this, my greatest concern is not money, but my job. I suspect your
recent words stem from the fact that my frequent traveling prevents me from
spending as much time with you, and perhaps you worry that once we are
together, my job will take me away from home, leaving you alone. Am I wrong?
If you do feel this way, please know it is only an
impression. I do not want to leave you alone after we are together. We will
find a solution, and I want you to respond to this point. If I feel guilty
about anything, it’s that I may have left you with the idea that I don’t want
to discuss my job until after you arrive. That isn’t true. If you have thoughts
to share, please write to me. Much of this pressure comes from waiting for my
laicization; the process is slow and painful, knowing our reunion depends on
it. Your last letter was wise but painful in this regard.
I feel intensely lonely in my apartment, and the remedy is
to cling to your photos, letters, and our memories. Your letters are short and
infrequent, but I understand and do not blame you, even if I briefly compared
the length and frequency of our letters. I know writing is expensive for you,
and you do your best. Still, it is difficult to receive only a short note once
a week. I respect this and will remain patient until our reunion, which will be
the most memorable moment of my life. My imagination runs wild thinking about
that day.
 |
| André's 1st apartment in basement - 57A rue Caron, Hull |
Perhaps the impression that I don’t want to discuss my job
has come from me not sharing enough about it. My job is very demanding, with
much pressure and too few people. The Canadian Council for International
Cooperation is a young organization, less than two years old. Originally led by
Anglophone Canadians, it now seeks to be bilingual, which is why I joined. The
organization’s structure includes a Board of Trustees—the next president in
June may be Lester Pearson, Nobel Peace Prize laureate and former Canadian
prime minister. The executive director, my boss, is Angus Archer, a dedicated
and idealistic young man who inspires the staff with his energy. Other members
include Rachel, a diligent secretary; Mrs. Hibberd, the administration officer
with a motherly presence; Hélène Patenaude, an efficient young secretary; Ted
Devlin, a British information officer; Unita Cousineau, Ted’s secretary; Pierre
Gélineau, the youth program officer; and Chery Adams, the librarian. My own
secretary left due to psychological illness, and I am currently seeking a
replacement.
My work involves establishing contacts nationwide, which is
why I travel frequently. I hope that once I am known, I will travel less. I
recently prepared a public relations kit for “Miles for Millions,” which raises
money for developing countries such as Bihar, India. Now, I am preparing for a
congress in Montreal on April 24-25 and am responsible for the background
papers. I am also promoting a file on the Pearson Report, compiling a film
catalog about development, writing articles for the CCIC monthly digest, and
working on an education kit for Canadian awareness—all while more work piles up
each day. My workday typically runs from 8h30 AM to 5h00 PM, and when I return
to my apartment, I am grateful for the solitude because I am so tired.
Currently, I am traveling by bus since my car is in
Montreal. I hope my mother will find a buyer for it, and as soon as spring
arrives, I plan to buy a Toyota. The season is cold, and I am suffering from a
sore throat, sneezing—others like Monique, Jacques, Robert, Rachel, and Marie
Christine have also been ill. Wednesday was René’s birthday, and Odette played
a joke by hiding a sardine in his cake. I gave him a tie as a token of
gratitude, which touched him. Monique and Jacques are well, and at home, business
is slow; my parents are considering selling the grocery store, which is too
large for them. They hope to buy a tobacco store, which would suit them better,
closed in the evenings, and less work. Robert would inherit it. My parents are
active and need something to keep busy.
It is tax season in Canada, and I must file mine. The
government withholds $75 a month from my salary, which is a heavy tax for a
bachelor. Even married, with a working wife, my taxes would remain high. Last
week, I worked on insurance plans and will likely take two: one for salary
protection in case of illness or accident, providing $400 a month, and one for
life insurance, giving you at least $8,500 if I die. Angel, I work hard to give
you every possible security—a practical expression of my love.
Angel darling, I hope this letter doesn’t sadden you, as
that was not my intention. My aim is always to assure you of my infinite love.
Na servam, let us continue to trust in the Lord and join in one embrace, lips
to lips, breast to breast. Like the rolling waves of the ocean, their rhythm
echoes the depth of our love. My kisses are as countless as the water droplets
of those waves, covering you with sweetness. Angel darling, Nive na premam.
Best regards to your parents. Your loving Husband, forever.
André.
PremAA!
April 8, 1970 (81)
My wonderful Angel, my beautiful Angel, my unique, my wife,
Tuesday night finds me still in my office at 7h30 PM,
preparing to post this letter tomorrow morning.
Today has been exceptionally busy, with multiple deadlines
to meet and many tasks demanding attention simultaneously. Despite the hectic
schedule, I am confident that we will manage everything together. I expect to
return home around 9h00 PM, and I am eagerly hoping that your weekly aerogram
will be waiting for me as it has been each Tuesday for about a month now. The
anticipation of hearing from you fills me with longing and a strong desire to
hold you in my arms, permanently united. I keep asking myself: when will that
joyful moment finally arrive?
This afternoon at 4h00 PM, I met with a representative from
an insurance company. During our discussion, I arranged for two insurance
policies. The first is a policy that will provide us with $400 a month in case
of a sudden accident or illness. The second is a life insurance policy, which
would ensure that you receive at least $8,500 should I pass away.
Darling, please know that my thoughts are always with you
and your security. The combined cost for these two policies will be about $130,
but I believe this is a worthwhile investment for our future. Once we are
reunited and married, it is important that we discuss these policies together
to secure our family and any children we may have. I look forward to having
this conversation with you—while holding you in my arms—very soon!
Reflecting on my last letter, I realize that after sharing
my reactions and feelings regarding your request for daily letters, I did not
address your actual demand. I want to remedy that now. Starting next Monday and
continuing through the entire week, I will write you an aerogram every day to
assure you that you are never far from my thoughts.
After that week, I may return to writing twice a week as I
have been doing, since I suspect that even if I write daily, you will still
receive the letters together, perhaps twice a week. Of course, Angel, if you
would prefer that I continue to write every day, I will gladly do so. Your
happiness is my top priority, and I will wait for your response before making
any further decisions.
Spring has begun, summer is approaching, and your arrival
draws near—all of which fill me with joy.
Angel na jeevam, I
love you deeply. Come to me, my wife, and rest in my arms; I will care for you
tenderly. You are more precious to me than all the treasures on earth, and you
are worth every sacrifice. Please give my respects to your parents, brothers,
and sisters. I send you infinite kisses, embracing your adorable self as
always.
Yours forever,
Your Husband, André
April 11, 1970 (82)
Dearest,
As has become our custom, I received
your latest aerogram on Tuesday. It was, as always, too brief, but I understand
the limitations we face and hold onto hope that our reunion is not far off.
You mentioned Anasuya and the ongoing
issue with the $300 cheque. I called my bank on Wednesday and learned that I
must go to Montreal to complete the necessary paperwork—an affidavit affirming
that Anasuya has not yet received the funds. After this is done, the bank
should issue another cheque within a couple of days. I truly hope this process
does not cause too much delay, as I know you need the money for your travel preparations.
I asked the manager if another $300 should be sent, but he assured me it was
not necessary and that either way, the time to resolve this would be the same.
I hope he is being truthful and you will soon have the money you need.
Next Wednesday, when I meet with the bank manager, I will
press him to expedite the matter. Today, I will also write to Anasuya to keep
her informed about the status of this elusive cheque. I am concerned—could
someone near Anasuya have intercepted the cheque and cashed it without her
knowledge? Since the cheque was issued in Anasuya’s name, only she should be
able to cash it, provided she endorses it with her signature. Please advise her
to either cash the cheque herself immediately or, if she must entrust it to
someone, to ensure it is a person she can trust completely.
Though this may seem
a minor issue, it weighs on me, especially since the money was sent back on
February 12th—over two months ago. I will do everything I can to ensure the new
check reaches you by the end of March.
Regarding your plane ticket: in your last letter, you asked
me to purchase the ticket for you from BOAC in Ottawa. Would it be acceptable
for me to wait until the end of the month to do so? Please let me know in your
next letter. Otherwise, I can buy the ticket immediately, but the short delay
is due to my banking situation. I currently have accounts at two banks—one in
Montreal with $1,700 and one in Ottawa with $600. I would like to pay for your
ticket using the Ottawa account, but now, I am a bit short. Once I receive my
salary at the end of the month, I will have enough.
Another reason for not using the Montreal funds is that I
plan to ask the manager there for a $2,000 loan to buy the new car I mentioned
earlier. Having $1,700 in my account will make the loan application easier.
Let us move away from financial matters and focus instead on
us. As I promised in my Thursday aerogram, starting this Sunday—the first day
of the week—I will write you an aerogram every day for an entire week.
Afterward, I will wait for your response before deciding whether to continue
daily letters or return to writing twice weekly as before. Realistically, even
if I write daily, you may still receive the letters together, perhaps twice a
week, so there may be little difference in how frequently you hear from me.
Personally, I find value in my long letters, as they give me
the space to share everything on my mind. I imagine you feel the same and might
miss my longer letters if I switch to shorter, daily messages. However, your
happiness is my priority, so if you would prefer daily letters, I will gladly
continue them.
In reflecting on our communication styles, I see a
complementarity between us—a psychological difference between man and woman,
between you and me.
I recognize that you appreciate many small tokens of
affection throughout the day, whereas I am more drawn to grand gestures and
deep, expressive declarations of love. For me, the profound is often found in
the intense and verbal; perhaps I am not as skilled as you in interpreting
subtle, non-verbal cues.
This is why I long for your long letters and suspect you may
yearn for mine as well. It is important that we remember this aspect of our
relationship. If, in the future, you ever feel neglected in small ways, please
show me this letter as a reminder. I promise to always strive to be attentive
and original in expressing my love for you. I do not want to become the kind of
Husband who believes that providing for his family is enough. I want to be your
lover, full of passion and warmth, throughout our entire life together.
From the moment you arrive, I will want nothing more than to
hold you, to find a quiet place to rediscover you, to cover you with kisses and
caresses, and to be united with you in every way—body and soul. This will be a
sign of our deep union of hearts, a joy to be truly ourselves together, loving
and loved. Beyond being your lover, I also want to give you security, take care
of you, and protect you as my most precious treasure.
Turning to your last letter, you mentioned your brother
Raja’s desire to move to another town. I understand why he feels this way,
especially given the complexities of living within an extended family.
It must be difficult for your parents to see their children
considering such changes, just as my own parents found it hard when, over seven
years, their six children left home. I know it will be challenging for us as
parents one day, and I hope we will not be overprotective or possessive.
I also hope your aunt in Warangal is recovering well. You
once told me that in India, people do not dwell on thoughts of death but
instead pray for the quick recovery of their loved ones. This is much the same
for us French Canadians; while the thought of death may cross our minds, we
prefer to focus on healing and health.
This week at work was tumultuous, and I plan to spend the
weekend quietly at my apartment to rest.
Although I considered visiting Odette and René, I decided
against it so as not to intrude on their family time. I will join them for
supper tonight—my cousin from Montreal will also be there. Tomorrow, I will
attend Mass in the morning and pray earnestly for you and for our intentions,
including my laicization. The rest of the day, I will stay alone, write the
first of my seven consecutive aerograms to you, write to Anasuya, and work on
my income tax declaration and the renewal of my passport, which expired on
April 1st.
It is important to keep my passport up to date, as we may
need it for a potential trip to India—something I will elaborate on in my next
letter following a conversation with the executive director of the Canadian
Council for International Cooperation.
Angel, my beautiful wife, it is time to go. Let us remain
confident in the Lord and grateful for the love we share—a love that is His
greatest gift to us. Nive Na Premam, my beloved wife, I send you countless
kisses and one eternal embrace, forever.
Your lonesome Husband, André. PremAA!
April 12, 1970 (83-1)
1st of 7 aerograms
My Unique, my love, my wife,
It is Sunday night, 10h00 PM.
This morning, I attended Mass at 9h00 AM. The parish priest
in my parish is, unfortunately, the dullest priest I have ever met. He is
old-fashioned, often criticizing the youth and their ways. Happily, I do not
let this bother me too much; instead, I focus on the Lord and the opportunity
to reenact for both of us the mystery of thanksgiving.
After returning from church, I had a small meal and then
spent time working on my income tax declaration. I hope that I will be refunded
about $100, as I believe I paid too much. At 3h00 PM, Odette, René, Julie, and
the cousins came by to pick me up, and we went to visit various spots around
Ottawa. When we are reunited, I look forward to visiting all these places with
you—the National Arts Centre, the Parliament, and many more. We returned to
Hull at 6h00 PM for supper. The cousins left at 8h0015 PM, and I came back to
my apartment at 9h00 PM. Now, here I am with you in spirit.
In fact, my darling, you are always with me. It is funny,
but whenever I go somewhere or do something, I almost always ask myself how it
would be if you were with me. I imagine how it would feel and plan for us to
share all these experiences together when we are finally united.
As I mentioned in my long letter yesterday, I am working on
renewing my passport and considering the possibility of a trip to India in the
future. I also told you about my conversation with the executive director of
the Canadian Council for International Cooperation (CCIC). We went to lunch
together and spoke very warmly. The conversation turned to the future, and he
is aware that I was a Jesuit.
The topic of marriage came up, and I told him about us,
about your imminent arrival, and our upcoming wedding. He said it was
wonderful, and that it would be natural for me to go to India. The CCIC could
even arrange a field trip for me in Asia, allowing me to combine both pleasure
and professional responsibilities.
You see, Angel, how God is with us. We do not know yet when
this trip will take place, but there is now this possibility, through my work,
to visit India. It is wonderful to imagine.
Now, as I reach the end of this letter, I will go to bed
dreaming about us. Darling, may you also have sweet dreams. I send you
countless passionate kisses and a warm, innumerable embrace.
Yours forever, until death and beyond,
Your Husband, André
April 13, 1970 (83-2)
2nd of 7 aerograms
Love, how are you?
It is 5h45 PM, and I am still in my office.
Before heading to my apartment, I wanted to write these
words to you. As usual, today has been harsh—there was a lot of work to do.
This morning, I went to the Prime Minister's office for the launching of the
Miles for Millions campaign and had a conversation with him. Afterward, I
returned to write a press release, which kept me busy with mailing preparations
until now. I am very tired, having done several other things as well, including
preparing a new publication and receiving my first creation, the “Dossier”.
Throughout all this, you are always present in my thoughts
and during my work. Angel darling, I am terribly yearning for you. Ever since
my conversation with Angus—the executive director of CCIC—news has been
spreading around the office that I will be getting married soon. Caroline Hebert,
the administrative officer and a fine woman, mentioned it to me just a few
minutes ago. She said it is good news, and now everyone is waiting to welcome
you warmly. Of course, their welcome cannot compare to my own.
I had told you that I would write to Anasuya, but I have not
found the time yet. I hope that by tomorrow I will be able to do so, as she
must be wondering why I have not written since my last letter. The reason is
simply that I was waiting in vain for a positive answer about the cheque, but
now those hopes have vanished. I will explain everything to her.
My beloved wife... it is an old refrain, but the only real
one. I am very, very lonely, living in expectation of your letter—perhaps
tonight when I return home, or more likely tomorrow as usual on Tuesday. I am
very eager to receive it.
Tonight, at 10h30 PM on TV, according to the news, there
will be a program on India titled "My Land is Dry, My Land is
Barren." I will do my best to watch it. However, I am certain of one
thing: India is neither dry nor barren, because India is you. Darling, India is
beautiful—full of humanity and the best in the human heart. India is the most
wonderful place on earth, and I would give everything I have to be there now.
Na premam, keep smiling. Let us continue to thank God and
our parents, who are also so good to us.
Your Husband who LOVES infinitely, André
April 14, 1970 (84-1)
3rd of 7 aerograms
My
wife forever, My adorable Angel,
2h30
PM, I am in my office. Funny, here today nobody seems to work, it is sunny, it
is spring. Everybody has the spring fever.
At
5h00 PM, after work, I will take the bus for Montreal. There my brother Robert
will be waiting for me and together we will go to a car dealer to pick up. I
hope a new car. It was wise for me to stop to use my old one. The engine now has
problem, will have probably to have it repaired before selling it.
Then
tonight will sleep at my parents’ place. Tomorrow will go to the bank for your
$300 cheque. In the evening will have a meeting with the people organizing a
congress the 24-25 of May near Montreal. I just finish all the background
papers for this conference: collections, publications etc. In this publication,
there is even an article about the "green revolution taking place in some
places in India actually. You see, you are never very far from me.
Angel,
Na jeevam, I am sad, very sad for I know that at my apartment a letter is
probably waiting for me. One of your letters! And I will not be able to go
there till Tuesday morning, the earliest. Therefore, more than 10 long days
without a word from you. Unbearable!!! When will be our Re-Union? Please Lord,
speed it up! Speed also the good news of my laicization.
Angel,
did you start to prepare your luggage. If you have any, it would perhaps be the
time to send through the mail, your books and effects too heavy, useless during
the trip. But of course, you are waiting for my cheque. Hope you may get it as
soon as possible. Angel, you see, you must think sometime that I am very
pragmatic but when I think about all those details for our future, I am very
much excited and very much expressing my love for you, an everlasting love, a love
as big as the Mountains, between India and China. Bigger even.
Love!
I will write you from Montreal tomorrow. May God take good care of you. Keep
smiling, Angel, the lord loves you. I Love you too more than ever. I LOVE YOU
infinitely. Nive Na Premam, jeevam, servam, best regard to all,
Your
Husband, André
April 15, (84-2)
4th of 7 aerograms
Dearest and beloved,
It
is 7h30 PM. I am in Montreal at my parents’ home with father and mother, took
supper, talk about nothing and everything, about election also. In Quebec
province, the 29th of April, is Election Day. Today darling was a busy day in
one sense, rather an expensive day.
Let
us start my story from yesterday. Before dropping yesterday aerogram, in the
mailbox, took the bus for Montreal. Arrived in Montreal at 7h45 pm. Robert my
brother, Jacques the Husband of Monique and mother were waiting for me at the
mouth of Metro.
In
Robert's car, we went to a car dealer. Signed a contract. Today, in the
morning, went to my bank, first about your cheque; the bank is making enquiries
about the whereabouts of the money.
I told the manager that it was urgent for you
to receive the money. He told me to call or to come tomorrow morning before
going back to Ottawa. He would have news for me. Told him that I was ready to
send you another $300. He told me that it was of no use now. First, they must
enquire about the former one. Therefore Angel, will see what they will tell me
tomorrow. After that, I asked him if the bank could loan me $1500 for the new
car. All right, no problem!
Therefore,
in the afternoon, went back to the car dealer, there, I change my mind, I sign
another contract for another car; a little bigger, a little more expensive, but
better for us. Tonight, with Robert, who knows very much about car, I will go
to the car dealer to buy the car and get it.
The
cost of the car is $2750. I pay cash $1250. The bank loans me $1500 - I must
give back the money by giving them every month $100 till this debt is absolved.
Angel, darling, I am happy to tell you that we now have a
good car. It is a Crown, Toyota, in a beautiful dark red color. I think you
will find it quite nice! As soon as I can, I will try to send you a postcard or
a photo of the car, so you can see it for yourself.
Tomorrow
morning will go for a meeting in Montreal with people of other agencies of
international cooperation. In the afternoon, will go back to Ottawa. My next
letter tomorrow will therefore be from there. Angel, my wife forever, keep
smiling, God loves us. I LOVE YOU too infinitely KISSES I LOVE YOU infinitely
Your
Husband, André
April 16, 1970 (85-1)
5th of my 7 aerograms
Angel, my sweet darling,
I have just returned from Montreal, less than five minutes
ago, and the first thing I did was check my mailbox.
As I had hoped, your Tuesday aerogram was waiting for me. It
is always such a joy to hear from you, and I am glad that everything seems to
be fine on your end, except for the ongoing issue with the $300. I am at a loss
as to what to do about this matter. The bank manager continues to tell me to
wait while they make inquiries, but I feel that we cannot afford to wait any
longer. I have explained the urgency to him repeatedly, but he seems not to
hear me. I will wait until the end of the week, but I must call the manager
again tomorrow to push for an answer.
Regarding Anasuya, you are right—I have not written to her
for quite some time. I kept hoping for news that she had received the cheque,
or that I would be able to inform her about any new arrangements I made to send
a replacement. I promise you that I will write to her before the end of the
week. Please let Anasuya know that I hold nothing against her; she remains my
friend, more than ever. I have never, even for a second, thought anything
negative about her.
My heart is filled with joy at the news that you will be
coming at the end of May. Please tell your parents that they have nothing to
worry about—I will be at the airport to meet you. If it would make you feel
more secure, I can give you the addresses of my parents, brothers, and sisters
in Montreal. That way, you could take a taxi from the airport to one of their
homes, but rest assured, I will be there to welcome you, my dearest. Ask your
parents not to worry about your arrival.
While I am so very happy about your visit, I am also anxious
because of the issue with my laicization. It would make everything so much
simpler for us if I were free before your arrival—so many little problems would
be solved at once. Yes, Angel, let us continue to pray and have confidence in
the Lord.
There are other things I want to address from your letter,
but I will write a longer letter on Saturday. For now, I will go immediately to
mail this letter to you. After that, I will visit Odette and René to show them
our new car, which is a very good one. I am sure they are expecting me.
My little wife, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Until
then, know that I am constantly thinking of you, covering you with kisses and
caresses in my dreams. Please give my best regards to everyone.
Your Husband, André!
April 17, 1970 (85-2)
6th of 7 aerograms
Dearest,
It is now 5h45 PM, and I have just
arrived home from work. Before heading out again, I wanted to write you these
words. Shortly, I will be driving to Odette and René’s house to help them by
babysitting this evening. They are attending an election meeting for the
Liberal party—the party I plan to vote for on the 29th. I will also be
babysitting for them tomorrow night, as René and Odette have plans to go to the
movies. In this way, I am trying to reciprocate the kindness and support they
have shown me.
Tomorrow during the day, I intend to stay quietly at home. I
will finish and mail my income tax declaration and will take the opportunity to
write you a longer letter. I will also write to Anasuya.
On Sunday morning, after attending mass, I will drive back
to Montreal. I have a meeting scheduled on Monday morning in Montreal, and at
noon, I will visit Monique and Jacques to show them our new car. Both Jacques
and Monique appreciate cars and are quite knowledgeable about them, so I am
sure they will enjoy seeing it. Later in the afternoon, I will visit my parents
at their home.
On Monday, I plan to make inquiries about the process for
civil marriage and to gather all the necessary documents. We must be prepared
for every eventuality but let us continue to pray earnestly for my release from
priesthood and for my freedom.
By next week, we should know more clearly what steps we need
to take if we are required to go through with this process. It is possible that
I may need to send you forms to complete and sign—we will see how it unfolds.
My dearest Angel, it has been more than a year since I last
held you in my arms, kissed you, and cared for you. Each minute that passes
brings us closer to being together again, and I am growing ever more impatient
for that moment to arrive. My love for you is boundless, and I do not believe
that any two people have ever loved each other as deeply as we do. This is
truly the mystery of God’s love, reflected in us. Na jeevam!
Please give my best regards to your mother and father, as
well as to your brothers and sister. You are always in my thoughts. Your Husband
sends you an enormous hug and millions of sweet kisses.
André, your Husband!
April 18, 1970 (86-1)
My
Angel darling, my star, my eyes, almost my God,
Today
Saturday 10h15 AM.
It
will not be usual 6 pages letter of the weekend, but it will be all the same a
long letter. Always a song of love to show you- unhappy only through words- my
indefectible dedication and love eternal.
As
promised, this morning I wrote to Anasuya. The aerogram is ready and will mail
it at the same time I mail you this letter.
Angel
Darling, today it is a sad day. Other people could be glad, but it is
impossible for me- Today it is exactly one year since my arrival to Canada and
373 ¼ days since our separation. So long!
How
have we managed? Not to die of sadness and of pains of heart during all this
time. How can I manage to live only half of myself, most of the time feeling
like a shadow, like a walking ghost, my being yearning for you, my blood, my
nerves, my manhood, my thoughts reaching for you, like the flower reaching for
the sun.
Therefore,
I am terribly sad and lonely at the end of this first year far from you and
only one thing makes me live. The hope of our re-Union in about 50 days. Only
then, will the past year have a meaning; for these days of work, of sacrifices,
of worries will receive their meaning only when I will hold you in my arms. Hug
you on my heart, kiss you and kiss you again, your lips, forehead, neck,
breast, everything of you adorable you. Only then I will be able to care for
you and be in front of everybody your loving and faithful Husband.
Otherwise,
why to have to come to Ottawa: why to have asked for my release, so simple to
live the old way and to continue the old, secure path of old life. Otherwise, why to have asked, yourself your
release to have won the heart of your family- you so great and so courageous.
Yes,
Angel darling, at the beginning of this 2nd year of separation, I feel very
sad, not to hold you in my arms. This morning, for instance, got up rather
late: 9h00 AM. Find me alone, in the big, double bed. Lots of place for both of us and was still
reaching for you at my side. Loneliness! Then, I was dreaming about us, was
seeing you at my side, was thinking how hard it would be to have you sleep till
9h00 AM Saturday and Sunday. You are an early bird… Need you! "Like the
deer that yearns for running streams, so my soul is yearning for you
darling"
As
I wrote it in my aerogram yesterday, I will remain in my apartment the whole
day: finish to write my declaration of income tax then wash our new car and
study all the mechanism of it. Then at about 7h00 PM, will go to Odette and René
and be there this evening again: babysitter. Odette and Rene are going to the
movies. I do not go to the movies or to anywhere else. I am waiting for you, Na
premam!
Tomorrow
after mass I will go to Montreal and will take lunch with Jacques and Monique.
Tuesday morning will go back to Ottawa. Monday will go once more to see the
manager of my bank and then to the civil court to enquire about civil marriage.
Thursday morning will drive again from Ottawa to a town called Sherbrooke.
There is a congress -24-25- this is the reason why these last weeks I went so
often to Montreal. We had to organize it. After the Congress, I expect to go
less often to Montreal. Therefore Angel, my next long letter will be from Sherbrooke.
If you had been here, I would have brought you to this congress.
Then
it will be May. I should get by then a raise in my salary. Will try to get
around $10,000 a year. I think that my present work is worth this value. Will
see. And with May I will work very hard to organize the last details of our
settling.
Hope
that by then, I would get my laicization! Let us pray hard, very hard! Angel
you cannot imagine, how my heart rebels about the institution when I think
about the delays to my freedom. Let us continue to be confident! let us keep
smiling! Let us be charitable and good for other people! Infinite kisses
infinite hugs infinite embraces.
Your
Husband forever! PremAA! André
April 19, 1970 (86-2)
7th of 7 aerograms
This
is my last consecutive letter till the moment when I receive a reaction of you
about the fitness of my writing every day or twice a week as before, depending
on the reception of my letters by you every day or only once or twice a week.
Angel,
these last 7 letters were for me a further occasion to show you my undefeatable
love, my continual dedication, my every moment's thoughts. I did it to please
you to remove a little of your loneliness, to bridge the gap of our separation.
Darling,
tomorrow will go back to the bank once more about $300 will also make enquiries
about civil marriage. In my next Tuesday letter, will give you the result, and
if you must sign papers, will send them to you. We shall see.
I
am in my parent's home. Everybody is fine. Went to Jacques and Marie Christine.
She is adorable. Monique is a very good mother and knows well how to educate
children. Therefore, Marie Christine is well behaving and polite; cute also.
You will see how cute she is.
We
spoke of course about you, told them about the date mentioned by you for your
coming. We start to make plans for your welcome.
Angel
darling, I would like to have your opinion: Do you want my whole family:
father, mother and brothers and sisters and wives and Husbands at the airport
etc. How do you see our welcome?
Please Angel, in your next letter, answer this
question. It is important and I would like so much to give you a very good
impression when first you will step in Canada.
Tomorrow
night, have a meeting in Montreal. Tuesday morning will go back to Ottawa. Will
write you then. Angel, I prayed very well this morning for both of us the Lord,
the good shepherd. May he always take good care of you in my behalf. In fact,
he is much better caretaker than I am. I LOVE YOU infinitely
Nive
Na Premam, jeevam, servam.
Your
Husband, André
April
21, 1970 (86-3)
Important matters regarding your arrival and financial
arrangements
It is Tuesday, and I have returned to Ottawa for work.
Tonight, as I sit in my apartment at 9h35 PM, I am writing to you as usual,
having received your aerogram—the only sign from you during the week.
There are two very important matters I must discuss.
1. The $300 Cheque
On Monday morning, as mentioned in my last series of
letters, I visited the manager regarding the $300 cheque. Unfortunately,
progress has stalled. I must return next week to complete the necessary forms
that I should have signed three weeks ago for the non-reception of the money in
India. The manager still does not have them.
As a result, it will take more time before we can pursue the
matter of the money in India. Despite extensive consideration, I have not found
any other means to send you money to India that is both quick and secure. The
issue remains that you need the funds now. The only solution I can see is for
you to borrow the amount from your parents. Once the cheque arrives for
Anasuya, that money could then be sent to those who loaned you the funds. Is
this possible? I understand how difficult it is to obtain money in India, which
makes me uncertain about this solution. If it does work, it would be the best
option under the circumstances, allowing you to purchase what you need and
ensuring the $300 is well used.
If you arrive before the cheque is received in India, the
funds cannot be returned to us as foreign currency cannot be sent out of India.
The money would have to remain in India with Anasuya or your parents, rendering
it useless for you.
In your next letter, please let me know your thoughts on
this solution. I also feel uneasy about asking your parents or others for a
loan—they must trust that we will repay them once the cheque arrives. Will they
believe us? And if they do, would they be able to help without too much
sacrifice? I understand how hard life can be. Angel, please do not forget to
answer this question.
2. Your Arrival and Civil
Marriage Arrangements
Another very important issue is the prospect of your
arrival. I am both excited and anxious, as I deeply wish for you to come as
soon as possible. I hope that by then, I will have good news regarding my
laicization, but we must be prepared for all possibilities. One challenge is
that if I am not yet free when you arrive, we must present a wedding
certificate within the first 30 days of your arrival; otherwise, you may be
sent back to India. Therefore, civil marriage is the only solution in this
case.
Yesterday, I visited the office where civil marriages are
performed and obtained all the necessary papers and information. In your last
two letters, you mentioned traveling on the 24th or 29th of May. As I have said
before, the date of your flight is entirely up to you. I will ensure everything
is ready for your arrival, but I am eager for you to come as soon as possible;
the end of May would be ideal.
Civil Marriage Procedure
Considering the requirements for civil marriage, we should
plan your trip so that you arrive on a weekend. This allows me to pick you up
at the airport and ensures we can see the notary the following Monday. After
meeting the notary, there is a mandatory 20-day waiting period before the
marriage ceremony. For example, if you arrive in Montreal on a Sunday, we meet
the notary the next day, sign the declaration, and begin the 20-day countdown.
This gives us about two weeks to be married civilly and obtain the document
needed for you to stay in Canada.
However, there is a small complication: the notary
appointment must be scheduled in advance due to a long waiting list. Everything
is booked until May 14th, so I will arrange the appointment before your
arrival. This means we need to decide on your arrival date now. Practically, I
believe May 29th (a Friday) is a very suitable date, and the 30th could be even
better. Presuming you leave on the 29th, you would arrive in Montreal on
Saturday or Sunday, and we would meet the notary on Monday, June 1st. The appointment
must be confirmed immediately, which I plan to do tomorrow.
Requirements for the Civil Marriage Interview
- Two witnesses: I will ask Monique and Jacques. Only they should know about the civil marriage.
- Completion of a questionnaire—these are simple questions.
- Production of documents: extracts from the register of births for both of us. On your birth certificate, please ensure it has the seal of the parish. We need an irrefutable birth certificate from either the church or the state to avoid complications.
If, for any reason, you cannot take the plane on the 29th,
we will face difficulties such as canceling the notary appointment, but these
can be managed. I am willing to take the risk and fix both the date of your
flight (May 29th) and the notary appointment (June 1st). Is this acceptable to
you?
I hope my explanations are clear. Please respond as soon as
possible, as this is very important. I will also contact the chancellery to
inquire about my laicization, and we must pray for a positive outcome.
Angel, I am anxiously awaiting your arrival and am
unsatisfied with your always too brief letters, written amidst distractions. I
look forward to being able to speak freely with you, for as complementary
partners, our understanding often goes beyond words. As you prepare for your
trip, please be especially considerate towards your parents—it will be
difficult for them to let you go. Let them know how grateful I am and how I
pray for the Lord to bless them in all their endeavors. I am confident He will.
This is an important letter. Please read it carefully and
respond as soon as possible. I am waiting with great anticipation.
I love you,
Your Husband, André. PremAA!
April 22, 1970 (87-1)
My dear and beautiful wife, Angel,
Although I was not planning to write today, I felt compelled
to send you this message.
As I mentioned in my previous letter, I have just returned
from the BOAC agency in Ottawa, where I reserved your ticket for the journey
from Hyderabad to Montreal via Bombay and London. The segment from Hyderabad to
Bombay remains open, but the reservation for Bombay to Montreal is confirmed,
as discussed yesterday.
If you wish to delay your trip, it is possible to cancel
your ticket and reschedule for another date.
According to the
current itinerary, you are booked on BOAC flight 799, which departs at 2h40
AM—a rather late hour, but it is the only option available that avoids an
overnight stay in London.
You will arrive in London at 9h10 AM on Saturday, May 30th.
From London, you will continue to Montreal on flight 567, departing at 12h15 PM
and arriving at 2h15 PM. With this schedule, we should be reunited by 3h00 PM,
just in time to prepare for our meeting with the notary on the following
Monday.
There is a complication regarding the $50 needed for your
travel expenses. Unfortunately, BOAC cannot transfer money, and the bank is
also unable to assist. The only solution I can find is to send a $50 US bill in
one of my letters. Although this is risky, it appears to be our best option.
Please let me know in your next letter if you have any other
suggestions, or if you can inquire with the Italian priests about how they
receive money from abroad. Any information you can provide on this matter would
be greatly appreciated.
The ticket cost is $611.50, and I will pay by cheque next
Monday. On the same day, I will send a cable to Hyderabad to inform the BOAC
agency, and they should notify you accordingly. By that time, I hope you will
have received your yellow book and Canadian visa.
Despite these worries, let us continue to smile and trust in
the Lord. I look forward to the joy we will share once everything is finally
settled.
With all my love,
Your lover and Husband, André
April 25, 1970 (87-2)
Angel
my Unique and my beautiful princess,
The
congress is over. I am glad, how much I would have given to see you with me.
Many
participants had their wives with them. I say this like an answer to your last
aerogram of last Tuesday where you express your concern about not being
together for the weekend. No, I do not want it either. And we will see that it
does not happen.
If
I must go somewhere then you too come with me. Or I do not go at all. This is
very clear with me. Same thing during the weekdays also but as you say, "
we will have to discuss the thing and see how we can obtain what we want. To
know what we want and to agree both of us on it is the principal thing.
The
proof: The very rich but painful experience we are in, we want to Re-unite as
soon as possible, and we will although there are enormous quantity of obstacles
in front of us. Now all part of the past, and although there are still few of
them, in front of us with courage, imagination, determination there is nothing
insurmountable for us. Do you agree Angel?
Your
short aerogram brought also the topic of my laicization. Yes darling. It is the
big problem; the same day I receive your letter called the chancellery about
it. I made the pressure to know where I can get it, the priest in charge
finally told me that from the moment the case reach Rome, and we must wait
10-12 months. Therefore, mine went to Rome this January. I was so depressed
hearing this news and I told the priest to urge our thing. He told me that he
could do nothing.
Therefore
Angel, the two examples written in your letter are plausible and are in
accordance with what I got there, much more than the news that Joe and Mary
Gilbert got rightly married in the church. But Darling, I do not give up.
Tomorrow,
Sunday, I will write personally to Rome to Cardinal Seper, the Cardinal in
charge of the cases of Laicization. I will write him and tell him our situation
will tell him: 1) That you cannot stay any longer in India because very soon
your family would insist that you get married there 2) That they all give their
consent for your coming in Canada and that it has to be done now or never 3)
That if you come now, you must come with a Canadian permanent Visa as my fiancé
which means that we must get married within the 30 days of your arrival 4) That
if by then, I am not laicized, I am in the obligation to marry you civilly 5)
Although it would be only to fulfill the civil law, and we would not live
together till the religious wedding and although we would try to keep this
civil marriage a secret there is always the possibility of my family knowing it
etc.. Then scandal 6) That we have made all the arrangements for your coming
for May the 30th, 7) that for all these considerations, I respectfully ask the
cardinal to speed up my case and receive my laicization before May 29th.
Angel,
I really do not know what would be the impact of this letter of mine to Rome
Truly I am not too much confident, So much red tape in the curia but at least
it is an honest try and who knows perhaps will I get the proof that something
is going on in the church, that there is less obedience to the Laws and more
human compassion and warmth.
Let
us pray hard Angel, very hard. At all events, Monday I am going back to Ottawa,
as written in my last letter, I will pay your ticket to BOAC according to the
date indicated to you: May 30th. At the same time, I will ask for a rendezvous
with the notary for June the 1st in the prevision of the civil marriage if we
have to pass though this ceremony to fulfill the Law.
Na
Premam, as for the rest of your aerogram and your reaction to my reaction about
the way you ask me to write you every day this is what I have to say. I always
knew that the unhappy expression to tell me that you wanted more news of me was
not really what you meant.
Yes
Angel, darling, I knew that only you wanted to tell me how much you love me and
needs my letters:" your food" but I feel so sad having the conviction
that on this matter I am doing three times more than you do yourself. Not that
I am counting the pages, I write you. NO darling it would be too mean-but
because I would be so happy to get more from you, more than the meager weekly
aerogram.
Although
I have suggested that you write more, I do not want to push my desire for I
realize that you cannot do more than what you do now. If you could have, would
do it. True love is eternal, infinite, true love has no limits, ... and our
love is true, therefore we both are doing all what we can. On my side, there is
no doubt about you It is true for everything. It is true for our
correspondence. I have the conviction that you write as much as you can and as
it is physically possible to you, because of this conviction and even if it is
too little to me, it would be too little even if you would write every day. 3-4
hours a day. I accept this "too little" very gratefully.
Consequently,
to come back to the letter, I was sad because it was looking as if you were
expressing a doubt about my efforts. But I know, it was not your mind. It was
only an unhappy expression. Therefore, darling Angel, do not be worried, I am
all right, let us brush away this little cloud, I love you more than ever. Let
us embrace, let me hug you strongly and kiss you very tenderly and if darling,
you want me to write every day as I did week before, but as I did not continue,
last week for the reasons already expressed.
I
told you that the congress is over, a lot of talking about development. Nothing
serious will come out of this if we the CCIC does not do something: the
priority of our efforts should be in the field of education. Demythologization
of the old notion of "help to developing countries" building of
another image free from paternalism colonialism etc. Recognition also that we
Canadians are also underdeveloped etc., but we are so full of ourselves, for
the congress, which was in Sherbrooke --town about 95 km from Montreal came
back to my parents’ home.
It
is now Saturday night, Sunday, will remain in Montreal but will be alone at
home since mother and father are going to the first communion of the child of
my brother Jean-Guy. Danielle. I will then write my letter to the Cardinal in
Rome.
Will
go to Mass and pray for us, say hello to your two friends, they were disturbing
you during the writing of your last letter, best regards and affection to your
parents. I am impatiently waiting for an answer, to all the very important
questions asked in the previous letter concerning the $300, your plane ticket
etc. Angel, I will stop here, for I want to mail this letter, the later
tomorrow morning (Sunday) first thing in the morning.
Angel,
let us keep smiling and confident in the lord. I love you more than myself. I
always will love you. Your Husband forever that yearns every instant for you
with a loving heart full of caresses and indefectible attentions,
PremAA,
André
April 28, 1970 (88)
My wife and beautiful Angel,
Today marks a significant milestone on our journey to be
together. I visited the BOAC agency and paid for your ticket from Hyderabad to
Montreal, totaling $658. While this news may reach you through other means
before this letter arrives, I wanted you to hear it directly from me.
By today or tomorrow, the notification should reach Bombay,
followed by Hyderabad, and finally Reddipalem. You should know before the end
of April that your reservation is confirmed for May 30th. If you need to change
this reservation to another date, please let me know as soon as possible, since
I have also sent a letter to the Notary regarding our civil marriage. In that
letter, I asked him to arrange a meeting for us, ideally on June 1st. I am now
waiting for his phone call to finalize these details.
Yesterday, while still in Montreal, I returned to the bank
to inquire about the status of the $300. Investigations are underway with the
post offices, since it was a registered letter. Just moments ago, I called the
bank again; they now need to trace the letter all the way to Anasuya. This
process may take anywhere from 10 to 45 days. My biggest concern is that,
within these 45 days, we will be reunited, and you may not receive the funds in
time to prepare for your trip.
Given this situation, there seems to be only one solution:
borrowing the necessary amount from your parents until the $300 arrives. If the
money is lost, I will repay them whatever they spend to help you prepare for
your journey. I understand that $300 is a considerable sum, and I can only hope
your parents are able to assist.
Regarding the additional $50 for your trip, I will send you
a bill for $50 in US currency before mid-May. I intend to send this as a
registered letter, hoping it reaches you safely, although it is a risk. These
words feel insufficient, as I find myself speaking only of finances and
practicalities.
Angel darling, please accept all my love. I am longing to
hold you in my arms and show you the beauty of spring and summer in Canada. The
weather has warmed to 78°F, the birds have returned, the grass is turning
green, and buds are appearing. Tulips are growing, and soon the gardens around
the parliamentary buildings in Ottawa will be filled with vibrant colors.
Everything is preparing for your arrival.
Let us remain patient and grateful to the Lord. I send you
countless kisses, a tender hug, and my eternal embrace.
Your loving Husband, André