February 1970

February 2, 1970 (64)

Angel, my beloved wife and my good fortune,

I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude as I write to you. Yesterday at 12h25 PM, I received a phone call from Ottawa from the director of the Canadian Council for International Cooperation, letting me know that I have been offered the job. It felt almost unbelievable—the timing was so perfect that I cannot thank God enough for everything.

After my interview last Friday, I felt very optimistic, but also quite anxious. I needed to meet with the director general of the college to discuss my contracts, as he intended to renew them, and I was unsure how to handle the situation. I expected the answer from Ottawa to take about ten days, so receiving this memorable phone call was an incredible surprise and a sign of our good fortune.

The director shared that, following the interview, there was no doubt among the interviewers that I was suited for the position. They contacted the father superior of the Jesuit Mission Procuration to inquire about my background, as well as people here at the college and finally the parish priest. All the information they gathered was very positive, and there was no hesitation—they called me right away.

We discussed the terms of my employment, including my salary, which will begin at $8,500 per year, with a clause in the contract for a review in three months. The contract is for one year initially. We also talked about the location of my work, Ottawa or Montreal. I immediately expressed my preference for Ottawa, and he was pleased with my choice. He asked if I would be ready to start next Monday, and I confirmed that I would. So, before Monday—possibly Sunday—I will move to Hull and stay with Odette for a few days while I look for an apartment in Ottawa.

Angel, it is very important that, from the reception of this letter onward, you write to me at my Ottawa address: 9 Rue Galipeau, Hull, P.Q., Canada. As soon as I know my permanent address in Ottawa, I will send it to you right away.

The days until Monday will pass quickly. This morning, I met with the general director of the college to obtain the annulment of my contract as responsible for pastoral duties, and I succeeded. The college is now working to find two teachers to replace me. At home, I am preparing for my move by bringing dishes and other household items that I have ordered and purchased for our future home.

I will tell you more in my longer Friday letter, as there are still many things to share. Before the end of the week, I also need to work on your affidavits and hope to send them along with a $100 check this Saturday. God has truly been wonderful to us, and so far, everything is unfolding as we had hoped. Let us pray that this continues.

Now, the major challenges ahead are your passport and permanent visa. Have you received any news from New Delhi? Please be patient—it will come. And my laicization is also still pending. Through all these steps, let us keep smiling and remain hopeful. I am very glad to be moving to Ottawa, which is the ideal place for you. I am also happy about my new job and everything that lies ahead.

Angel, I love you more than ever, and God continues to bless our love. Nive na Premam, Jeevam, Sarvam. Please give my regards to your parents.

Angel - 1970

Your Husband, kissing you infinitely, André

February 6, 1970 (65)

My beautiful, great wife, my LOVE, Angel,

There are so many things I wish to share with you today. The most important news is that my love for you only grows stronger with each passing day and will endure forever.

In just a few more hours, I will leave the college for good. By Monday, I must be in Ottawa to begin my new job, so there is much to accomplish before then. Although this week has been filled with emotions and planning, leaving me somewhat tired, I am truly happy for both of us and filled with gratitude.

Before I recount the events of my week, I want to address your requests. The check for $300 and the affidavits will be sent at the same time as this letter. Anasuya will receive an envelope containing the check made out in her name, along with two copies of the affidavit. I must admit, I initially felt uneasy about sending the requested amount in Anasuya's name. Legally, she could cash the money, and you would have no claim to it should she refuse to return it. That was why, in my previous letter, I considered sending the money directly to you. However, after receiving your last two letters on Monday, I changed my mind and trusted Anasuya completely, just as your parents trust me through you. This reflection was shaped by the lesson of trust your family has taught me.

Let me share what happened this week, starting with Monday. I returned to work as usual, not expecting to hear about the job in Ottawa for another ten days. You can imagine my joy when I received a phone call from Ottawa at 12h20 PM—it felt surreal. That afternoon, I immediately informed the administration of my new opportunity and asked them to find replacements for my Sociology, Psychology, and Human Relations courses. For my role as Pastoral Director, I planned to meet with the general director the following Monday to request the annulment of my contract.

Returning home that night, I found two letters from you waiting for me—a wonderful aerogram and a long letter, making it an especially good day. During the evening, I began planning my move to Ottawa, where I would stay with Odette and Rene for a few days before finding an apartment near my workplace. With my mother, I started listing what I would need for our future home: plates, utensils, a toaster, iron, a TV set, and more. The next day, my mother ordered these items by phone to be delivered to Odette’s place.

On Thursday morning, I met with the general director of the college to finalize the annulment of my contract, which was not without some difficulty. Ultimately, the director agreed, saying no one could be forced to work against their will. The rest of the day was filled with my usual duties, including informing the students of the pastoral team about my departure and writing my aerogram to you.

Wednesday was dedicated to preparing for my life in Ottawa. After work, I visited Jacques and Monique’s home to meet Jacques’s uncle, who could provide the affidavits. The uncle arrived around 9h00 PM, and within minutes, the affidavits were completed. He graciously declined to take any payment, saving me about $15. Please thank Jacques and Monique for their help if you get the chance.

Thursday was particularly significant. I arrived at the college at 8h00 AM, taught two courses, and attended a meeting with the administration to discuss finding a replacement for my position as Pastoral Director. By evening, we had come to a solution. After meetings with students, I gave three more lectures from 7h00 to 10h00 PM, returning home exhausted at 11h00.

Now, it is Friday morning. There are farewells at the college and heartfelt wishes of good luck. I will leave the college definitively around 2h00 PM, then visit the bank to obtain the $300 for you and the post office to register the letter to Anasuya. Afterward, I will return home and begin packing. Tomorrow, Saturday, I have a meeting scheduled with the director of the CCIC (Canadian Council for International Cooperation) at 1h00 PM. When I return home, I will continue packing and prepare my car for the trip to Ottawa. On Sunday, I will go to Mass at 8h00 AM to thank the Lord for His goodness, and in the afternoon, I will set out for Hull, planning to arrive in time for supper. By Monday morning, I will begin my new job.

The events of this week prompt many reflections. I anticipate my parents will be saddened by my departure after five months together, and I share their feelings. They are no longer young, and I have been able to help them in many ways. Though saying goodbye is difficult, it is also necessary. If I stayed longer, their attachment would deepen, making my eventual departure even harder.

My mother received your letter last week and shared it with my father. She is clearly pleased and already loves you very much, even planning to write to you personally and asking for my French-English dictionary for that purpose. Monique and Jacques have also written to you, as they mentioned on Wednesday.

As I prepare to start my new job on Monday, I am filled with happiness. This position marks a complete break from the past—no more ambiguity or complications. I am well prepared and confident that I will enjoy this new chapter. Being a little farther from family, but close enough to maintain contact, offers the advantage of a fresh start where I am not burdened by questions about my past. Living independently in my apartment will also ease the transition when you arrive, as we will be able to begin our life together smoothly, without the need to search for a house.

The greatest benefit, though, is for you. Ottawa is an ideal place—an English-speaking city with more opportunities for work, close to Odette’s house and family who can support you.

Now, all that remains is my laicization and the approval of your visa and passport. Once those are granted, we will be together at last. Let us be patient and grateful for how far we have already come—the most difficult steps are behind us. We have done all that we can; now we wait for the Canadian and Indian governments and for Rome.

Regarding your recent letter: The money and affidavit are taken care of. As for the notice from the Canadian government, what you described is the visa. The ratification will be issued from New Delhi, and they will contact you. Please wait for their call—if you do not hear from them within a month and a half, we will decide what to do. Concerning the exit visa, do not worry; it is simply a permit from your government allowing you to leave, which Air India can arrange when the time comes. Yes, I will buy your ticket through Air India as soon as you instruct me to do so, preferably not before March so that the bank’s interest is paid at the end of February. However, if it must be earlier, let me know, and I will make it happen.

I have received your baptismal certificate but have not yet received your BA from the States. In my typewritten letters, I detailed the papers you need for your arrival and forgot to mention your diploma from EAPI—it is important, especially for teaching catechesis in Canada. Please try to obtain it. If possible, could you also write a curriculum vitae within the next month, listing your diplomas, their dates, your studies, and professional experience? This will be essential for securing a position here. I will distribute copies to potential employers as soon as possible. Thank you, darling.

Your brother Raja was kind to write to me about the birth of his daughter, Lalitha Kumari. Please congratulate him and especially your mother. I hope to write to him next week or, if not, as soon as I am settled in my new apartment. Even if it is not a boy, Raja should not feel unlucky; having a little girl is wonderful, and perhaps next time it will be a boy named André Reddy.

During this busy time, what comes to mind is not only the image of us lying side by side in our room, but also of us walking together, shopping and planning—being dynamic and active together. After such busy days, I long for the peace and comfort of your presence, to rest and renew myself in your arms, listening to music and sharing our stories, punctuated by kisses.

Angel, I cannot wait for the end of April when we will finally be together. I hope I can give you all the happiness you deserve. Monique remarked on how much you must love me to leave your family and country for me. You are my strength, and I live and breathe because of you, even from afar in India. Nive na jeevam, Na premam. I am eager to learn more Telugu to express my love for you even more perfectly.

May each minute bring us closer. May every letter written since our separation lead us to the bridge where we will soon be reunited. Keep smiling, Angel—God loves you, and so do I. Millions of kisses.

Angel, please do not forget to write to me at Odette’s address:

9 rue Galipeau, Hull, P.Q., Canada

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

February 10, 1970 (66)

My Angel, My beloved wife,

It is Tuesday, 12h30 PM, and I am writing to you from my new office in Ottawa. There is so much I want to share with you.

On Saturday, I prepared my luggage—a task I am now quite accustomed to. I had many things to move, as I wanted to bring everything with me to this new chapter in my life.

Robert, my brother, and his wife Rachel, kindly offered to drive to Ottawa in their car and help transport my trunks—the green one, the brown one—and my notes.

On Sunday, as usual, I attended mass at 8h00 AM, then assisted Robert with packing all my belongings into his car. He wanted to leave Montreal early since he had to make the return trip the same day.

After lunch, I departed in my own car. Leaving home once again was difficult; mother was crying, and I could see that father was also deeply moved.

I arrived in Ottawa, or more precisely Hull, at 3h30 PM. Odette, Rene, and Julie were waiting to welcome me.

The next morning, I began work at my new job. The people were all very kind, and I immediately felt at home, though I also experienced some insecurity with so many new things to learn, including the names of agencies I will work with.

I had a long conversation with Mr. Angus Archer, the director of the CCIC, about the nature of my work. My role involves information-sharing and promotion of international cooperation. I will need to join the Canadian press club and other organizations for newspapermen.

Although I felt a bit lost at first, I am confident that I will adapt.

One important point you should know: the director told me that I will need to travel frequently, particularly between Ottawa and Montreal, at least one or two days each week, and also to other parts of the country. I am unsure how to feel about this, but I am looking forward to the day when you will be with me, as I do not want to be far from you. There is a possibility that the CCIC could become a separate branch in Quebec province, which might reduce the need for travel.

For now, I am staying with Odette and René, who have been very kind, but I do not feel entirely at home. I feel like a bird on a branch, searching for a place to settle. I am actively looking for an apartment, but the rent is expensive—over $100 per month.

I hope to find a suitable place before the next weekend.

As I mentioned in my last letter, my mother was deeply moved by your letter. She did not tell me directly, but Rachel and Odette confirmed it. You have truly won her heart. I must admit, this transition has been difficult. So many new experiences, and soon I will be living alone in my apartment, without the help of my family. I must stand on my own, but I do it all for you, my darling wife, whom I love infinitely.

Angel, I have not yet written to your brother, but I intend to do so. I also have not received any letters from you—they are probably still in Montreal. I am certain my mother will send them to me immediately, but I do not expect to receive them before Wednesday, especially given the truck drivers' strike affecting mail delivery in Montreal.

Angel, have you received any news from the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi? Is it time for me to send you your plane ticket? My darling, I long for you. Please keep smiling. God has been good to us, and I am confident He will continue to bless us. I love you with all my heart and soul. I send you all my love and kisses.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

February 13, 1970 (67)

My dearest Angel, my darling and beautiful wife,

It is Friday, and I am writing to you during my lunchtime.

I hope to be able to write the usual six pages, but I am not sure I will manage it, given all the tasks and responsibilities that my new job with CCIC brings. Nevertheless, I will do my best to write you a long letter.

On Wednesday, I received a letter from you. It had been sent to my family home, but my mother forwarded it to me immediately. I was delighted to hear about your skills as a housekeeper. Angel, I have never doubted your abilities—your resourcefulness is truly remarkable. I am very eager to taste your delicious Indian food and hope you will cook in the Indian style often, though I am mindful of my Canadian palate and its sensitivity to spicy sauces.

Just now, I called my mother long distance. She is well and told me that she wrote to you, starting in English and continuing in French. I do not know exactly what she wrote, but she mentioned that she expressed her hopes that we, two,  will understand each other very well. She also told me that another letter from you arrived at home and was sent immediately here to Hull, where I am now living. I hope to receive it when I get home tonight.

Angel, I feel terribly alone now. In fact, I feel as if I am camping under a tent without a real home.

 Odette and Rene have been very kind and generous to me, but I am always afraid of disturbing them. My uneasiness is heightened by the fact that I have not yet unpacked my belongings—everything is still in suitcases and trunks.

Oh, Angel, when will we have our own home? When will we look for an apartment to rent together? The rents are extremely high; I would have to pay between $120 and $130 a month. Furthermore, life in Ottawa is more expensive than in Montreal. For example, just to park my car while I am at work, I must pay $1.50 a day. It is unfortunate, and I will not be able to save as much as I did when living with my parents—if I can set aside $200 a month, it will be good, compared to the $600 I was able to save in Montreal. Still, I am glad, because the money for your air ticket is ready and waiting for you to use.

By the way, Angel, have you received the $300 I sent to Anasuya?

By the time you get this letter, the check should already be in your hands. Please, my beloved, let me know as soon as you receive it. I wish I could write many beautiful things to you, for my heart is filled with so many emotions right now. But time is pressing. At 1h00 PM, I have a meeting with a group of newspapermen to organize a walkathon called "Miles for Millions" in support of developing countries. At 3h00 PM, I have an interview with a girl, as I must hire a secretary. Then at 3h30 PM, I have another meeting. The day will pass quickly, and soon it will be 5h00 PM, time to go home—and hopefully, to read your letter if it has arrived.

Even on Saturday, I have work from 10h00 to 11h30 AM, and Sunday morning there is a congress. Next week, I have to go to Montreal for another meeting, and on the 25th to Toronto. This brings me back to the topic mentioned in my last letter—my frequent travel for work. I hope this did not scare you unnecessarily. I told you about the many occasions for me to travel and suggested that you consider this aspect of my job. I do not want to leave you alone, and I know you do not like the idea of me being away often.

Perhaps it is premature to stress this point so soon after starting my job. It is wiser to refrain from fear and judgment for now and simply observe what my actual responsibilities will be. Then, together, we can decide what is best for us. Since we both know what we want and need. Is this all right with you, darling?

Wife, I am not certain, but from your last letter I got the impression that you want to go to New Delhi. Have you already received a convocation from the Canadian High Commission there? If not, please wait for their call—it should not be delayed. I am concerned that you might be applying for a visa yourself. If you are requesting a Permanent Visa for Canada, it is fine with me, because that is what I am requesting for you here. I believe my channel might be faster and you would receive your visa more quickly, but we shall see. I have full confidence that everything will arrive on time.

If my laicization comes soon, I will need to call or write to Montreal to inform them of my current address, so that any news will be sent to me here in Ottawa immediately. I also need to review other paperwork, such as our insurance policies. When I was teaching at the college, we had a good insurance policy for both of us; if I died before you, it would have provided you with $20,000 and covered hospital bills if needed. Now that I have left the college, I must review these matters and obtain a new insurance policy for both of us and for our future children. This time, it will be more expensive than the previous policy, but I believe it is worthwhile. Therefore, this week I will contact my agent and revise everything.

As you can see from the change of ink color and my style of writing, I had to pause and am now continuing. It is Saturday morning, and I am in the kitchen with Odette. I just finished washing and the laundry is in the dryer. Julie is riding her tricycle around. It is 8h30 AM, and I would like very much to finish my usual six pages before 9h30 AM, when I must return to Ottawa for a congress. I should be there at 10h00 AM, as I mentioned before. Yesterday, Friday, I had hoped to mail you this letter, but work kept me busy. I see now that it will be more difficult for me to keep to my usual Friday schedule for long letters. But do not worry, my beloved—I will not miss this rendez-vous with you. If I cannot mail it on Friday, I will do so on Saturday. Hopefully, this will be the exception, as I plan to start my Friday long letter as soon as I mail my Tuesday aerogram to you.

Outside, the weather is very cold—many degrees below zero. I hope you will not suffer from the cold when you arrive in Canada. There will be no problem indoors, as you know, but I wonder about going outside. Walking through the streets of Ottawa, I have already seen many Indian men and women. I have not had the opportunity to ask them how they manage the Canadian winter, but as I see them, dressed as warmly as all other Canadians, they seem to cope well.

Yesterday, when I returned home, I found a letter from India waiting for me. I thought it was from you, but it was from Anasuya. Of course, I was glad, but also a little sad—I love Anasuya very much, but I would have preferred a letter from you, or ideally, two letters: one from you and one from Anasuya. In her letter, Anasuya told me about your stay with her at her home and how much you both enjoyed your time together. She mentioned one of her friends, perhaps her boyfriend, who is supposed to write to me. Anasuya said that you had a long talk with him about religious matters and other topics.

It is funny, but when I read this, I felt a mix of emotions—a little fear, a little jealousy, a little insecurity, knowing you spoke alone to another man. Upon reflection, I realize that I love you for who you are, not for myself. When you are happy, I must also be happy, for my goal is to make you happy. Sometimes, your happiness may conflict with my own desires, but my feelings are not as important. I do not want to make a tragedy out of this, for I have complete confidence in you—you have given me so many proofs of your love. Still, sometimes strange thoughts come to mind, and since I promised to tell you everything, I share this with you too. There is absolutely no reason to make mountains out of this.

I felt sad when I read in your letter about the convents. Please, darling, try to minimize the gossip about them around you. Charity and love must come first. Do what you can. It is difficult for me to organize my thoughts right now—Julie is crying, showing she has strong lungs! Odette has gone out, which is why Julie is upset.

Returning to Anasuya's letter, I was glad that for the first time she addressed me as "Dear brother." She also wrote about one evening when you both spoke about me until late at night. It makes me very happy to know that you have a confidant in Anasuya. Angel, she is truly a wonderful person, not selfish at all. She feels sad that you are coming to Canada soon, but she is still willing to make the sacrifice so you can go. I appreciate and understand her feelings even more because of this.

As for your brother, I have not had time to write to him to congratulate him and his wife on their baby. Will you become the godmother of this little girl, or perhaps another baby born in your family? How I wish I could be by your side to be the godfather to this child!

Angel, it is already 9h15 AM, and I will not be able to write a sixth page. I must go, and I feel so sad and lonely—like someone starting a long journey through a dark forest, alone. But one day, very soon, we will be united.

Angel, I hope you have already received what you asked from me—the affidavits and money, which are with Anasuya. If you have not heard from her, please write to her. When you get everything, including news about your passport and visa, write to me immediately. I am anxious to receive good news.

Angel, Na premam, I love you. I should write "Nive Na premam" millions of times all over my letter, but it would not compare to what I intend to say and do to show you my love when we are finally reunited forever.

René, Odette, and Julie send their love to you. As for myself, I send my love and affection to your parents, brothers, sister, and all your family. Angel, keep smiling and be my adorable wife. God is good to us—let us thank Him. I hope to receive your long letters next week.

Angel, receive my kisses and embrace. Let us be one; I am longing for you, crazy about you.

Your Husband, André

Angel, Nive Na Premam, Jeevam, Servam infinitely.

February 17, 1970 (68)

Na premam, jeevam, Angel,

It is Tuesday morning, and I have even more news to share with you. I am eagerly hoping that very soon I will receive a wonderful letter from you, telling me that you have obtained your new passport and that the Canadian Embassy has reached out to you and granted you your visa. I also hope to receive news of my laicization as soon as possible. Once these obstacles are removed, we will be able to plan our official wedding, and it will feel like heaven to finally be together.

Angel Darling, I have another big update to share: I have found an apartment. On Sunday, I moved in, and last night I slept there for the first time. The apartment is not far from Odette’s place, so I will often be able to have supper with Odette and René. Odette has even kindly offered to wash my clothes for me. Our families truly are wonderful and supportive.

My new apartment is in Hull, not Ottawa, but it is only a 20-minute drive from my workplace. This is a significant improvement compared to the long commute I had between Montreal and St. Jérôme during my last teaching session. I am happy to have moved because I can now organize my own life as I anxiously wait for you to join me.

Last night, before going to bed, I placed your photo in the golden frame on my desk. Do you remember it? The moment felt solemn to me because I became deeply aware that soon, your picture will be replaced by you—my wife, in body, heart, and soul. It will be a wonderful moment. This morning, as I woke up, my eyes once again went to your picture. I felt a mix of sadness and joy, knowing that I am taking another step toward our reunion.

I want to describe more about the place where I am living, but I will save those details for my long letter on Friday. The apartment is not luxurious—it consists of a bedroom, a small living room, a kitchen, and a toilet room. Despite being the cheapest available, it is quite expensive at $125 per month.

My plan is to stay in this apartment until your arrival. Once you are here, we will decide together where we want to live and possibly move if that is better for us.

Tomorrow, I will likely go to Montreal and stay there until next Sunday. I will send my next letter from Montreal, although I may wait until Monday due to the mailmen’s strike in Montreal. If needed, I will mail the letter from Ottawa, where there is no strike, so you receive it faster. Fortunately, I hope you have already started sending your letters to Odette’s place and now directly to me at my new address in Hull. You will find my new address on the back of this aerogram.

Angel, I am counting the minutes and days until we meet again. Please let me know if you have received the affidavits and money, and if you have begun the process for your passport. Also, let me know when you want me to purchase your ticket from Air India; I will need to go to Montreal for this, as there is no Air India agency in Ottawa, but it will not be a problem.

My beautiful wife, I am currently preparing a special gift for you that has been long awaited. You shall receive it within one month. I send you millions of kisses and eternal embraces. Please give my respects to your parents.

Your Husband forever, André!

February 19, 1970 (69-1)

My beloved Angel, my beautiful wife and precious bride,

This Friday finds me back at my parents’ home for a few days, having arrived on Wednesday afternoon. As I mentioned in my aerogram, I returned for a meeting that same evening, which was organized to prepare for a congress in Montreal preceding the World Food Congress scheduled for June in Belgium.

Yesterday, Thursday, I made several contacts in Montreal, as one of my main professional priorities is to become known in various circles, especially those connected to public relations. That afternoon, I attended a few interviews in search of a competent secretary—someone equally fluent in French and English. This search has proven difficult. There is one candidate I met in Ottawa on Tuesday afternoon, but she seems rather moody and has a peculiar character. I have not yet decided whether to hire her.

This morning, I am working from home, preparing French information material for the "Miles for Millions" campaign, which raises funds for developing countries. I have a deadline to meet by Monday at work. How I wish you were here by my side, for you could help me greatly with these international cooperation matters. Darling, you would be the perfect secretary for me—except for French, though that obstacle could be overcome in a few months. Perhaps, in the future, you might even become my official secretary. Today, I will remain home to work on the materials I must produce, and I plan to return to Ottawa on Sunday afternoon.

Na Premam, when I arrived home, I found a long letter from you waiting for me. It filled me with joy, but also sadness because you could not participate in your mother’s village fiesta. I am proud of your mature response to her wishes. I am angry about your uncle’s behavior—never be alone with him, as you rightly say. He is not to be trusted. It is good to stay distant from this father Raj, though remain polite.

I hope by now you have received the money sent to Anasuya’s name and the affidavit. That is all I can send. As for the governmental forms you requested, I do not know what they are; perhaps they will come from New Delhi, where my application as your respondent should be. I hope there will be no delay in communicating with you.

Regarding my laicization, there is no news yet. My case must be in Rome, and we must wait patiently. However, next Monday or Tuesday, I will call the chancellery from Ottawa to update them with my new address and inquire about the status of my case.

This morning, I received an answer from Salve Regina College. They sent an unofficial copy of your grades from 1964 to 1968, but not your diploma. They assured me that it would be sent later, as it is being printed along with those for this year’s graduates. Your name is listed correctly, addressed to Miss Bala Theresamma Singareddy, c/o Andre Gingras. No mention of “sister.”

Something in your last letter saddened me—the thought that I may feel obliged to marry you. Darling, let me dispel that thought with countless kisses. It is not because you left the sisterhood for me or any other reason that I wish to marry you. I marry you because you are my “Thou,” my complement. I marry you because you are yourself—now and always. Not because you are Indian, or because you were a nun, but because of your uniqueness. I marry you because I love you. Is that clear? I know you feel the same way about me.

When I returned home Wednesday, my mother showed me the letter she wrote to you. She had not sent it yet because she could not read your address well, so she asked me to write it on the envelope. She wrote the letter in French, and it is very touching. She accepts you wholeheartedly and even wrote a special paragraph to your parents, assuring them she will care for you when you are in Canada. I hope you can understand the letter and not be bothered by any spelling mistakes—my mother did not finish elementary school, but she writes quite well.

Last night, I visited Monique, Jacques, and Marie Christine. Marie Christine is adorable. In Hull, Julie is also very charming, and we have become good friends. I even babysat for her last Saturday so Odette and René could go to the movies. Since receiving your last letter, I have not met Odette and René in Montreal, but they will be eager to hear your thoughts about their photo. I am sure René will be delighted to know he resembles an Indian, and Odette as well. Odette often wonders if you look like the Indian women she sees in Ottawa, and I always reply, “Yes, but better”—and it is true.

In my last aerogram, I mentioned a few things about my apartment. Now, I will continue. The apartment is in the basement of a home, with a private entrance below the porch of the main door. To enter, you first pass through the kitchen. I think it is best to describe the apartment:

·         Kitchen: Contains an electronic stove, refrigerator, table, and three chairs.

·         Living Room: Furnished with a chesterfield, a big lazy boy, a small coffee table, and a TV (our TV).

·         Bedroom: Features a large bed for two people—though I am alone for now, I pray it is only for two months—a desk and chair.

It is not luxurious, but it has everything I need, most importantly, my privacy—and our future privacy. When I am alone, I am truly with you in thought, imagining what you would do or say in different situations. Each minute brings us closer together.

Sometimes, Angel, I look at myself in the mirror and think about my age, a little worried that when we meet again, you might find me changed, older, and not the Andre you knew in the Philippines. My hair is thinning, and wrinkles are appearing. Maybe these changes reflect what has happened inside me. Will you recognize me? I feel our meeting at the airport will be so important. For me, you will not have changed—you will be the same, but even better. My love for you remains the same and has grown in quality during our separation.

Women at thirty are at the height of their womanhood, as a popular French song says. I, however, will soon be thirty-six. I do not feel old—my body and mind are younger than many young people—but will you find me young enough? You have never raised this topic, though it concerns our children. Would you tell me if you ever felt I was too old for you, or if, upon arriving at the airport, you had doubts about our wedding and happiness? If so, do not be afraid; I would be understanding. Though it would sadden me deeply, I would give you the chance to return to India. My happiness is your happiness—remember this always. If you want me to be happy, be happy yourself, even if that means leaving me behind.

I do not know how I came to tell you all this—it is simply my honest thoughts. I wish to be an open book for you, as you are for me. Do not worry if you ever experience periods of silence from me; I will always write twice a week, as I have done. I have not yet written to your brother, but I will do so next week, and will also write to Anasuya, who kindly called me brother in her last letter.

Please give my regards to your father, mother, sister, and brothers. In your next letter, let me know if you received the money, affidavits, and the letters from Monique, Jacques, and my mother. Tell me exactly what you have done about your passport and other documents, and whether you have begun buying saris for your trip.

Angel, my princess, my jewel, my wife, I place my life in your hands—it is yours. Take it and do with it as you please. I am yours forever, as you are mine. We are one heart, one mind, and one body. Let us thank the Lord for the gift of our love. I send you sweet and passionate kisses, embracing you fiercely.

Your Husband forever, André! PremAA!

February 24, 1970 (69-2)

Tuesday night, 9h10 pm. I wanted to write to you today and mail this letter before leaving Ottawa, but it was impossible due to a lot of work and no free time throughout the day.

Currently, I am working on a publicity kit for a Canadian campaign called "Miles for Millions"— in French, "Rallye Tiers Monde." Throughout Canada in May, agencies for international cooperation organize walks where people participate, and sponsors contribute money for each mile walked. The funds raised go to developing countries. The first year of this walk was in 1967, and most of the money went to our homeland, India, specifically the state of Bihar. The kit is nearly complete, and tomorrow I will send everything to the printing house.

I am also preparing for another project: a conference staged in Montreal by the Food and Agriculture Organization at the end of April, as part of a World Congress against Hunger. My responsibilities include preparing for this conference, which is why I went to Montreal last weekend and will return next Monday. The opportunity to go home is welcome, and Mother and Father are very happy about it.

Angel, I hope you have already received Mother's letter. I want to repeat—it is a lovely letter. Additionally, I received a lot of feedback from my other brothers and sisters regarding Mother's reaction to your words. You have truly won her over. She loves you very much. Although she did not tell me directly, she expressed it to Monique and wrote to Odette. Rachel also sensed the same feeling from Mother. It is wonderful! We are all eagerly waiting for you, and I am longing for your arrival.

Angel, have you received any news from New Delhi? What is the status of your passport? Perhaps your last letter contains good news, but it has not reached me yet. This week, I have not received anything from you. Since Sunday, I have not visited Odette. Every day, I return directly from work to my apartment. Odette and René always welcome me, but I do not want to intrude on their privacy. I understand that when we are together, I will desire the same privacy for us.

Because of this, I have not visited Odette, but I call her every day to ask about your letters, which should be sent to Hull, not yet to my apartment. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will visit them, hoping that a letter from you will be waiting for me.

I do not know how Joe Hubert obtained his laicization so quickly; perhaps he did not request it and simply got married. If he achieved it so fast, I am happy for him. Regarding us, as I mentioned in my last letter, I will contact the chancellery this week to provide my new address and inquire about updates.

Last week, Time magazine featured a principal article discussing why priests and nuns are quitting. It was a very good article. Apparently, there are around 10,000 requests for laicization pending in Rome. Reading this news was a little depressing because so many are waiting. However, I quickly resolved my feelings. We have done everything we could, and I am confident that the Lord will continue to help us, just as He has since our first meeting.

To be honest, I feel very lonely in my apartment. Even in a crowd, and even among my family members, I feel terribly alone because you are not here. But I hold on to hope — again.

Angel, how is your family? Your brothers and sister? I have not written to your brother yet as promised, but I will do so before the end of this week.

I will stop here. If I have not written an aerogram, it is because my aerograms are in my office. I forgot them, but I am glad for this, as it gave me the opportunity to write more and make you happier.

Angel, my pretty wife, after finishing this letter I will go straight to bed. I feel very tired today and hope to dream about you. May my dreams be a rehearsal for the manifestation of my love for you—all sweetness, all attention, all tenderness, a manly love, all protection, all care.

Angel, I cover you with my most passionate kisses in an eternal, long embrace.

Your Husband, André! Until death, yours forever!

Nive Na Premam! Na Jeevam ! Na Servam! Na Anandam  - I do not know the meaning of this word. Does it mean “Husband”?  - Can I add: “Na Thodu”?

February 28, 1970 (70)

My wife forever, my princess, my darling Angel,

It is Saturday morning, and I plan to mail this letter as soon as I finish writing it. Yesterday, I did not have a single moment to pause and compose a long letter. I returned from work at 6h00 PM, then went to Odette and René’s for supper, and came back home quite late.

The day before, I received your aerogram dated February 18th. Your words stirred mixed feelings within me. I felt a deep sadness upon reading about your mood. Regarding my laicization and the comparison to Joe-Gilbert’s situation, I must say I do not like making such comparisons. First, we cannot even be certain that Joe was laicized; personally, I have my doubts. Therefore, my love, let us focus solely on our own situation. Otherwise, we risk becoming bitter, impatient, and nervous, and eventually, we may fall ill from the strain.

To update you, the inquiry into my laicization request is now complete. All the necessary papers have been sent to Rome. I know this for certain, as two days ago, at the same time I received your aerogram, I also received a letter from the provincial house of the Jesuits of Canada. They informed me that they had to pay a $250 fee to the chancellery in Montreal—almost like a lawyer’s fee—and implied I should reimburse them. They also confirmed that my case has been properly processed here and is now in Rome’s hands. You see, Angel, we have done everything possible; now, all that remains is to wait.

I wish you could see me in person to understand how tired I am from all of this. I am almost disgusted by how difficult it is for those who try to abide by the law, while others seem to face no problems at all. Then, there is the bill from the Montreal chancellery, and later, likely one from Rome—always more money. While I am not concerned about money and will pay back the Jesuits when I am able, I cannot help but feel some bitterness inside. I try to stick to principles of higher value: my love for you, my love for the Lord through you, and the responsibility to avoid scandalizing my family. I strive to speak kindly and keep bitterness out of my heart.

Now, about your bishop. I respect him greatly, and you clearly care for him, but I really dislike how he interferes in our affairs. He is not God. He refuses to give you the paper confirming no impediment to marriage until he hears I have been laicized. That is his choice, though objectively he has no right, since there is no actual impediment on your side. If he refuses, it is solely because of me. It is so sad, my love.

This paper remains important one way or another, you must obtain an attestation of your freedom to marry, preferably from your parish priest with the parish stamp. After your meeting with the bishop, will you feel comfortable requesting this paper? Perhaps now everyone knows about the bishop’s reaction; if you cannot get the paper from the church, could you obtain it from civil authorities instead?

I am so insistent on this because, if I am not laicized by the time you arrive (still expected at the end of April or beginning of May), we must produce proof of marriage within 30 days of your arrival, or you risk deportation to India. Therefore, we may need a secret civil marriage to secure this paper while we wait for my laicization and the real marriage. This is something your bishop cannot comprehend. He cannot imagine the depth of our love, and this is why he asks you not to come before my laicization. There are other reasons for you to come then: it is the best time to find a job, the best time to adjust to Canada, the beginning of summer, and a good time to get to know my family.

If only I could receive my laicization by the time you arrive, all these problems would disappear. Let us keep hope alive. Hope always goes with love.

One last thing regarding this: please keep private the part where your bishop advised you to wait for my laicization before coming to Canada. Others around you should not learn about this, as they may use the bishop’s advice as an obstacle to your coming. I hope no one else knows.

Regarding your reaction to the traveling nature of my work: after I wrote about this in my 64th letter, I realized the way I expressed myself was a mistake—not in my commitment to always be honest with you, but in projecting hypothetical scenarios for the future. My next letter addressed the matter more accurately, I hope. Please do not be sad or make a mountain out of a molehill. As I have said before, we know what we want—we want to be together, and that is what matters most. When we are clear on our goals, we can usually achieve them. Therefore, let us carefully evaluate whether the travel required by my job fits our desires. If not, we will find another solution. It is a deal, Angel. Please, do not be sad or cry.

Regarding your passport and visa, has New Delhi contacted you following a letter from you, or did they do so after my application from Canada? This was not entirely clear in your letter, but I understood that you wrote first to the Canadian High Commission. Next week, I will write again to the Montreal Immigration office and to New Delhi. If you have not received any news yet, always mention my application number: B 240199, submitted in Montreal on January 30, 1970. I have already given you this number on a typed sheet. However, let us wait a couple more weeks. Here, too, let us remain hopeful and patient. We are now in the most difficult part of our reunion process—having done all that we could, we must now endure the bureaucratic procedures between Rome, Ottawa, and New Delhi.

We have obtained the affidavits, and I hope they are in order. By now, I also hope you have received the money. Please write to me as soon as you do. I am very surprised not to have heard anything about the small tape I sent for your birthday. It was a little plastic box, made especially for mailing. Is it possible that the Indian government checks tapes? I know that in Taiwan, it was impossible to receive tapes without government approval. Please tell me when you receive it.

It is unfortunate to have to endure another strike. I am anxious, as I have not received a letter from you since the 20th, when a major strike was supposed to take place in India. Here, the postal workers are also making demands, threatening to strike if they are not met, but the situation is not as bad as in India, and I doubt mail will stop. Let us pray that mail service continues, especially at this time when we need to stay in contact as much as possible.

These days, I feel strange—almost as if I am living in a cloud, detached from everything, my head high above the crowds and my feet far below, barely touching the ground. Angel, you are my ground, my base, my reality. I am not overly troubled by these feelings because I know this is how things must be. I cannot be whole when half of myself is not here. Before I knew you, I felt a similar sense of division within myself, but I accepted it as part of life’s mystery. Then you came, and for the first time I felt whole, more integrated, truly myself because I had found in you the other half of my being. Before I knew you, life was difficult but not painful; now that you are in India, it is difficult and painful, but also full of happiness, because it is Advent—it will soon be Christmas, and because it is Lent—it will soon be Easter. Yes, Angel, our near future will be wonderful!

One more thing about your letter: do not worry about teaching catechetics when you come to Canada. We will find a job that you enjoy. That is a small problem to discuss when we are finally reunited forever. I was only mentioning possibilities. Tomorrow, Sunday, I will drive to Montreal and will have a chance to tell Monique and Jacques about your reaction to their letter. I will be back by Tuesday morning and will try to bring Mother with me. Odette would love to have her visit, and she can return to Montreal by bus that evening.

Dearest Angel, let us be joyful and thankful to the Lord for our love and our life together. Keep smiling. I love you! I hope your next letter brings good news, and I hope to send you good news as well. I kiss you with emotion and passion a million times. Come, Angel, let us be one.

Your Husband, who loves you so much,

André, PremAA!

P.S.: Darling, do not laugh at me!  but I have a feeling your last letter was written during your menstruation. I have always noticed you are more sensitive and prone to tears during that time. Am I right? Nive Na Prema! keep smiling!