January 1970

January 1, 1970 (55)

My darling wife Angel,

Happy Wedding Anniversary!

Happy New Year!

This morning, at 9h00 AM, you are the very first in my thoughts. I woke up at 7h30 AM, attended Mass at 8h00 AM, and returned home for a quick breakfast. Now, I find myself with you—in spirit and in heart. Angel, there is so much I wish to say, far more than could ever fit in these lines. In truth, I would need an entire lifetime to share everything with you. Let this aerogram stand as a sign, a symbol of all I feel and all I hope for us.

January 1st 1969 - First wedding wedding 

Before extending New Year's greetings to Odette, who arrived yesterday from Hull to my father and mother, and to my brothers and sisters who will gather this afternoon, I wanted, above all, to wish you a Happy New Year. My wishes for you need no explanation—they are the same as yours. Above all else, my love for you surpasses my love for all my family members. It is strange, but you hold an exclusive, irreplaceable place in my heart. You have a unique spot, unlike any other.

One year ago, around this time, you came to our room. I placed your "Prema" around your neck, and you placed mine around mine. For both of us, it was a profoundly significant moment—more meaningful, even, than when I took my religious vows or the day I became a priest. I knew exactly what I was doing: I was joining myself to you forever. At that moment, I felt sadness, uncertain if our wedding would remain only "platonic" or if we would one day truly live together as Husband and wife.

Now, things are clearer for both of us. We have traveled a long path toward one another, with every minute drawing us closer. This year, I am certain we will be together in each other's arms. It will be marvelous—it will be paradise.

Darling wife, let us keep fighting for our freedom. On my side, I feel stronger than ever, ready to overcome any difficulties that remain ahead. Let us continue to smile, remembering and thanking the Lord for the gift of our meeting. The mystery of how we came together still amazes me. Angel, my love, I kiss you as I did on our wedding day. I unite myself to you in the same way—this time, without any fear at all. We are one. I want my embrace to be sweet, warm, and strong—a symbol of my ever-increasing love.

Nive Na Jeevam, Sarvam, Premam. I kiss the PremAA on my neck.

Respect and wishes to your parents.

Your Husband, André!

January 3, 1970 (56-1)

My Angel,

It is Saturday afternoon, and I find myself alone at home. My parents are at work at the grocery store, while Odette, her Husband, and little Julie have just left for Hull. This quiet time compels me to return to you with all my heart and soul.

Since the beginning of the week, I have not received any letters from you. I am certain this is only due to the holiday season and the post office delays, with the Western tradition of sending Christmas cards keeping the postman very busy. I am anxiously hoping to read your words very soon.

Let me share what I have done since the first day of the year. These days have been difficult, Angel. I have had to put on a happy face, to smile and appear joyful, even though my heart has been hurting.

 After sending you my first anniversary wedding wishes as your Husband, I visited my parents to wish them a Happy New Year. I bought a bag for my mother and an anthology of the best prayers from all world religions for my father. My mother gave me a special gift—a pair of black pants made for winter. I also offered my wishes to Odette, and we kissed. Odette then kissed me a second time, saying it was in your name. Her gesture touched me deeply, though it saddened me, as my sister cannot replace you, my darling.

When my parents left for Mass, I gave Odette and her Husband your tape to listen to. Odette found your voice very charming and felt you were a person who is confident and self-assured. I confirmed her impression, and as I listened to your lovely voice, I was deeply moved. At the same time, I felt a surge of annoyance toward Odette's Husband, who was distracted by Julie. I now recognize this feeling was irrational, a reflection of my nervousness and sorrow due to your absence. I managed to hide my frustration, understanding that it stemmed from my current emotional state.

When my parents returned from Mass, we ate together and began preparing for the evening's reception, when all my siblings and their families would arrive. Throughout the afternoon, the house filled with couples and children. Each of my siblings has babies, and I was the only one without a partner or child by my side. This made me very sad, but I concealed my feelings by being helpful, caring for the babies, assisting my mother with dinner preparations, and serving drinks to the men—smiling and laughing, though it was difficult.

By 6:h00 PM, everyone had arrived. It was time for my father to give his traditional blessing to all of us and the children. Traditionally, the eldest asks for this blessing; for ten years, Jean-Guy, my younger brother, had taken my place. Now, I was back and requested the blessing. Before bestowing it, my father asked us all to thank God for the year, as the family had been incomplete for a long time. My mother then surprised me by requesting I give the final blessing as a priest. I had tried to prevent this by speaking openly to each family about my intentions, but my mother’s request left me conflicted. I did not want to refuse her, nor did I wish to go against my own will. I sensed that my siblings understood my confusion, and so I blessed them in words not those used by priests. Immediately after, we exchanged kisses and greetings.

This moment made me realize something important: my mother had not fully accepted my decision to be laicized. She had always been proud to be the mother of a priest and a Jesuit—it was a kind of status symbol for her. My siblings even mentioned this, perhaps unconsciously. My mother is a strong personality, and her influence played a significant role in my becoming a priest. I share these thoughts with you not out of a lack of love for my mother—I love her deeply, and she loves me immensely. I simply want you, as my wife, to know everything about my family.

After the blessing, we enjoyed supper with the traditional Western turkey. I could not eat much. We took many close-up photos, which will be ready by Tuesday evening, and I look forward to showing you my family through them. The gift exchange followed; I gave my father a drill, and Ghislaine, Pierre’s wife, spoiled me with a green woolen sweater, $10, and a one-year subscription to Time magazine. After gifts, we sang together—Rachel, Robert’s wife, played the piano, and we had guitar music. The spirit was reminiscent of EAPI beer parties, but more civilized because of the women’s presence and more melodious—everyone in the family sings well. We played games with prizes until midnight, when everyone left. Before bed, I cleaned the house a little, but sleep did not come easily. I woke at 3h30 AM thinking of you, crying silently from deep within. This was the release after a day spent pretending to be cheerful, and from the emotional conflict of performing the blessing. My tears expressed my loneliness. I returned to sleep at 5h00 AM, your name on my lips.

The next morning, I rose at 9h00 AM, cleaned the house, and accompanied René, my brother-in-law, downtown for shopping. After lunch, I spent the afternoon and evening at home. Today, Saturday, I took my car to the gas station to prepare for Monday’s return to work, cleaned the car, and helped Odette prepare for her departure to Hull. After lunch with her family, I find myself at home. Tonight, I will stay in with my parents and tomorrow promises to be a quiet Sunday. I will rest at home. Despite two weeks of vacation, I feel very tired. On Monday, I will return to work.

I am anxiously waiting for news from the Canadian Council for International Cooperation about the job, which is so important for our future. I also expect news about your visa by Monday. Two days ago, while reviewing your papers, I found a copy of your degree from the States under your former name, Sister Angel Mary CSA. This made me think it would be helpful to request a diploma and official transcripts from the college with your current name, Angel. Please try to obtain these documents soon, explaining your situation and asking them to send them to my address. We will need them for your visa application.

My darling Angel, I have shared much about myself and my feelings over these days full of remembrance. I do not know exactly how you feel, but I can easily imagine it by looking into my own heart. It is a new year—a very significant one for us. I read my yearly horoscope in the newspaper two days ago, and though I do not usually believe in horoscopes, this one felt true: new beginnings in work and something important for my personal life at the start of May—your arrival and our wedding. For once, I believe it with all my heart, as it aligns with our plans.

Angel, my wife and my passion, let us pray for these intentions, but let us also actively prepare ourselves—mind, heart, and body—for the day of our reunion. That day will be the most wonderful of my life. If it brings you happiness, take everything I am; I am yours forever. I love you—your heart, soul, and body. Since I cannot hold your heart or embrace your soul, I embrace your beautiful body in spirit, covering you with kisses from head to foot, not missing a single inch. Long, passionate, warm kisses, filled with my love: on your lips, face, neck, shoulders, arms, breast, stomach, belly, thighs, legs, and feet—everywhere. Nive Na premam, Jeevam, Sarvam. In one marvelous, eternal embrace, we become one forever.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

January 6, 1970 (56-2)

My Beloved Angel, My wife Forever,

It is Tuesday morning, 9h00 AM, and I have returned to work. I am settling back into my regular routine of writing to you twice each week—once on Tuesday and once on Friday. Today, I intended to send an aerogram, but my thoughts overflow beyond the space it provides. That is why I am writing this longer letter instead. You can expect another letter from me on Friday.

Angel, I miss you deeply since the day we parted. Being far from you has always been challenging, but this period of distance feels especially tormenting. I hope that you can bear this separation on your side of the ocean. I also hope you continue to receive my letters, which I write faithfully. It should help you cope with loneliness. The last word I received from you was your Christmas card, which arrived more than two weeks ago—those weeks have felt like centuries. I am hopeful that I will find an aerogram from you waiting at home tonight. Hope, hope, hope!

Darling, it is time to focus on your visa, and I have already begun the process. After speaking with someone at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I have reached several conclusions. Our main goal is your arrival—by any visa means necessary.

Currently, it seems obtaining a visitor visa for you will be quite easy. This visa is valid for three months. To get it, you must write to the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi. Within three weeks, I will send you an affidavit certifying that I will care for you in Canada. Your brother-in-law could help, or you can use a travel agency like BOAC to secure this visa. Once you are in Canada, we can apply for an extension or a permanent visa. This approach will be our last resort, used only if I cannot secure a permanent visa by the beginning of April. Is this clear to you?

I am now seriously working on obtaining your permanent visa. I will visit the immigration bureau and gather the necessary attestations and affidavits:

·         My bank account: By the end of January, I expect to have more than $3,000. I am uncertain if this amount is sufficient, so I need to make further inquiries.

·         An attestation regarding my salary and employment: If I get the job in Ottawa, I must wait until the end of January for this document. If I remain in my current position, I will also have to wait until the end of January. Regardless, I will obtain the required proof.

·         An attestation from the church confirming our intention to marry as soon as possible: There is a minor complication due to my laicization, but I believe this attestation can be acquired.

·         An affidavit from my parents and my brother-in-law Jacques (Husband of Monique), assuring responsibility for your welfare should anything happen to me.

Once we secure the visa, remember the condition: we must marry within 30 days. If my laicization is complete, there will be no issue. If not, as I previously mentioned, we can have a civil marriage and live as if we are not married until our sacramental marriage. This civil marriage will serve as the official proof required by the law. Only Monique and Jacques—our witnesses—will know about this arrangement. I ask again: do you agree to the civil marriage? I await your answer with impatience.

Another important document is an official copy of your diploma from the United States, with your name as written on your baptism certificate—Singareddy Bala Theresa. This will demonstrate your proficiency in English and your education, supporting your case as a good immigrant. Please request the college to send this document to my address.

Additionally, an official copy of your baptism certificate is needed. I currently only have a photocopy, which is not sufficient. Please send the official copy—it should be easy for you to obtain.

Angel, please send both the official copy of your diploma (with your real name) and your baptism certificate as soon as possible. I hope to have them by the middle of this month. Kindly press the college administration in the USA to expedite the document’s delivery.

If, after all these efforts, I cannot secure a permanent visa, we will pursue a visitor visa. I will inform you when to begin this process. Please wait for my signal before starting.

One last concern is your passport—specifically, the name and photo. It would be ideal to have both corrected. I recall that one of the pages mentions "Angel Mary is Bala Theresa," but I am unsure if this is sufficient. When you visit the travel agency, please discuss these matters; perhaps something can be done. Please keep this point in mind and look for any other opportunities to amend your passport details.

I have not yet shared my thoughts on your Christmas and wedding anniversary gift—your photographs. They are in my drawer, half-open, just in case someone enters my office. As I've mentioned before, my favorite is the one of you with your sister, showing only your shoulders and head. You look beautiful; you are not getting fat, contrary to your fears. I examined them closely—you are just right, lovely, and your flowers, charming eyes, and lipstick make you look ready to be kissed. The golden rings in your ears remind me of when I kissed their tiny holes. On your forehead, the colored dot of Indian women catches my attention. I have a question: why is the shape of your dot like a flame or a drop of water, while your sister’s is a circle? Is there a meaning to the difference? What color was yours?

My second favorite photo is the one where you stand alone near a pot of flowers. Your sari is marvelous and feminine. My sisters and sisters-in-law silently admired your dress. You appear delicate, but your eyes and head show your willpower and strength of character. I cherish you for these qualities.

For the occasion, your hair is long and black, though I know it is not entirely natural. Even so, I love you with long hair and hope you will let it grow out naturally. Please do not cut it.

Next are the two pictures of you alone, showing your head and shoulders. You removed your necklace, keeping only your TALI—the sign of our union. Initially, I thought you looked less natural, perhaps because it was the first time I saw you with makeup. However, the more I see these photos, the more I appreciate them. You appear as a woman who cares for her beauty and is blossoming through love. I believe that love enhances beauty, and I witnessed this with you. When we were together, your body seemed to become more beautiful under my love and touch. Your eyes grew deeper and more meaningful, your breasts fuller. You confirmed these impressions, and I believe our love will continue to grow and beautify you.

The fourth picture saddens me. You stand with your sister, smiling, but your expression and eyes look sad. I remember that look from times when I unintentionally made you unhappy. I know our separation is the indirect cause of this sadness, and it is hard to bear. I long to hold you tightly until happiness returns to your face. Let us be brave—our separation is only temporary, just four months. Let us keep smiling and remember the Lord’s goodness to us both.

Since my last letter on Sunday morning, after Mass, I worked hard for our grocery business. It is the season of bankruptcy, with many stores closing and selling their stock at half price to pay debts. My parents were able to buy a merchant’s stock, so on Sunday, I helped pack and load the merchandise with my brother Robert and others from 9h00 AM to 4h00 PM. I was glad to assist my parents, who have always been good to us.

Now it is Monday, and on to Tuesday. It is actually 2h15 PM, and I feel exhausted—not from hard work, but from the loudspeaker near my office blaring American songs and noise from the students. I am tired of this atmosphere and pray that I may soon secure the job in Ottawa.

Despite my fatigue, I find happiness each morning driving to school, knowing I am doing it for you. You are my inspiration and motivation. Without you, I would lose my sense of purpose and become indifferent, perhaps even a hippy—living only for the present. But because of you, I strive to stay fit spiritually, psychologically, and physically. Love is powerful; I am because you are.

Angel, how are you? How are your parents, sisters, and brothers? I suspect I have not received news from you because you may have visited Anasuya’s place. If so, enjoy your time and greet her for me. Thank her for her Christmas card, though I found it rather formal. Please tell her I will write on the first opportunity.

Upon arriving in Duvernay – my parents place-, my first task will be to collect the photos I took at the start of the year. If they turn out well, I will send you pictures of all my family members, probably as "printed matter" to save on postage. By the way, did you receive the two albums about Canada and Montreal that I sent on October 1st, 1969? It has been more than three months since I mailed them. They should arrive soon, unless they have been lost or stolen. Please inform me when they arrive.

Your coming is constantly on my mind. Very soon—possibly even before next Saturday—I will visit the travel agency to arrange your plane ticket and send you some money. I plan to spend about $1,000 on your arrival; the ticket costs around $700, leaving about $300 for you to buy saris, clothes, and other travel expenses. Please let me know if this amount is sufficient. If you need more, I can send additional funds. I am not yet certain of the method, but I will likely use BOAC to facilitate the transfer of money and your ticket, as these agencies offer such services. I will also confirm the details at that time.

Angel, Na jeevam, na sarvam, I love you. Nive Na premam. Let us continue to be patient and have confidence in our future. Emmanuel—God is with us—and our time of waiting will soon end. I embrace you with all my dedication and passion. You are wonderful, and I am forever yours. Please remember to send the requested documents and answer all my questions.

Your Husband Forever, André

January 9, 1970 (57)

Dearest!

Friday at 11h00 AM, I sit in my office with little work to do, as it is currently the exam period for the first session. Next week will also be dedicated to exams, and my students will receive theirs next Friday. Afterward, a week of vacation will follow, then a week of organization for the next session, which starts the week of January 26.

I hope to hear news from Ottawa about the new job I am seeking before the middle of this month, as it is important to regularize my position. Right now, I am playing a game of hide and seek at the college, postponing many decisions about my future employment. For instance, the general director wanted to see me earlier this week regarding my contract as a professor, but I managed to delay the interview. Similarly, my responsibilities with the Pastoral team and my contract with the chief of the social service department are being temporized. Amidst all my worries, only my love for you gives me enough incentive to persevere.

My principal worry, Angel, is your silence. It has been more than two weeks without any news from you, and your last communication was only the Christmas cards. Of course, I know you must have written, but I still worry. Perhaps I am becoming psychologically tired, but it has never been so difficult to control my nerves and imagination regarding your silence. I do not doubt your love; there are many objective reasons to believe in your decision to come and marry me—your long letter before Christmas, your photos, and more. Yet, during my current depressive mood, thoughts arise to explain your silence. If you permit, I will share these thoughts on paper to keep my promise to tell you everything; it will help maintain my mental equilibrium.

Possible reasons for your silence include: the post office being very busy during Christmas, your parents possibly changing their minds and boycotting our correspondence, or perhaps my mother not delivering your letters to me (though this thought seems unlikely). Maybe you are upset with me over something written in my letters, or disappointed by not receiving a special gift for Christmas, or by the $100 you requested before Christmas. I mentioned this money in a following letter, but perhaps you did not receive that one. You may also be starting to worry about coming to Canada—the weather, the snow—which I discussed in previous letters.

These imaginings, though hard, are brushed away like temptation, and perhaps tonight all will be dissipated if one of your letters is waiting for me. This is part of our fate, all these sufferings and loneliness. That is why I write to you so much; each letter I send is meant to alleviate your suffering and loneliness. Each missing letter is a thorn in your flesh, as yours are in mine, but this thorn will be removed on the day of our reunion. It is proof of our love, growing more acute and painful as we wait. Na jeevam, I go to bed with your lips on mine, seeking you in my bed and stretching my body for the sweetness of your hands and lips. Though it was an illusion, I got up, shaved, brushed my teeth, showered, and went to work for you—like a Husband far from his family, earning a living. This is our case. Let us continue to be strong. Nive na premam, Jeevam, sarvam, I love you. Je t’aime, Angel.

Regarding your permanent visa, things are moving slowly but surely. I received word from Monique: her contact in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Ottawa is gathering information for us and passing it along. Monique’s recent letter included details about the visitor visa: it is valid for three months, not easy to extend, and if the extension is denied, there is a risk of deportation, which must be paid by the Canadian citizen responsible for the visitor. She also provided the exact name and address of the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi, which may be useful later.

Considering everything, we should focus on obtaining a permanent visa. On Sunday, when I visit Monique and Jacques for dinner, I will give Jacques copies of all affidavits needed for your visa: for a visitor visa, an affidavit that I will support you; for a permanent visa, affidavits from my parents and Jacques backing me. Jacques’s uncle provides such papers, making it less expensive.

Next week will be crucial, as I will seriously work on securing your permanent visa, making calls to the immigration office about the bank account requirements, to the chancellery about my laicization and the attestation of my engagement to you, and speaking with my mother about backing me if needed. I will also obtain a statement from my boss regarding my salary and employment. Once all these are prepared, I will visit the immigration bureau to officially request your permanent visa during the week of January 19.

Meanwhile, I will contact various airlines to check prices for your ticket from Warangal to Montreal and the possibility of sending you money through them.

Angel, I have another question: Perhaps, on your journey to Montreal, you would like to stop somewhere along the way. Now is the time to consider this and let me know where and for how long. This information will help us prepare your travel schedule. Please send these details as soon as possible and remember to answer the other questions from my previous letters.

I have also been thinking more seriously about our home, especially with the possibility of working in Ottawa soon. If I go there, I will need to rent an apartment. Odette and René have offered to let me stay with them, but I do not want to intrude on their privacy, as they are a young family.

Therefore, I will rent my own apartment as soon as possible. Two questions arise: Should I rent a large apartment immediately or start with a small one and wait for your arrival? I prefer the latter, so we can choose our apartment together. As for furnishing our home, we have two options: renting a furnished apartment, which is more expensive and less personal, or furnishing it ourselves.

The latter seems better to me, but buying all the furniture is expensive, so we may need to buy second-hand items and wait for good opportunities. I will start by purchasing essential electric appliances, which will be useful for me before your arrival. For the rest—bedroom, living room, etc.—I will wait for you so we can choose together.

Regarding your long letter, it is my sustenance. It revealed the depth of your suffering since our separation, which is, for me, the most significant aspect. Only love can explain your endurance, and this reassures me of our union’s success. Thus, all doubts and imaginings caused by your silence are meaningless—they vanish like smoke and breeze. Thank you for your love; I am unworthy, and I am amazed that you chose me. It is a mystery that cannot be understood by the mind, only felt with our whole being. We hear the click of our hearts, and it works—it will work forever. It is marvelous, wonderful, immense, and infinite, as deep as the brown of your eyes and the immensity within them. I love you, Angel, beloved.

It is Friday, the start of another quiet weekend without you. I will stay at home, work a little, and if I do not receive a letter from you tonight, I will write to Anasuya and your sister to find out what is happening. Even if I receive a letter, I will still write to your sister. I also have school forms to fill out and will clean the house. On Sunday, as usual, I will go to mass at 8h00 AM, pray for both of us, and after lunch, visit Monique and Jacques with my parents. Later, Robert will host us for dinner. Perhaps on January 31, a Sunday, I will return to Hull for Odette’s birthday, unless I am already there.

In my Monday mailing (with family photos), I will include the ages and birthdays of each family member: Papa—July 31, Maman—April 2, Jean-Guy—September 11, Odette—January 31, Pierre—September 2, Monique—August 7. Odette and René’s wedding anniversary is February 4, your birthday. Another important family date is October 4, my parents’ wedding anniversary.

Angel, I have reached the end of my six pages. I feel good when I write to you, as if you are here with me, listening or sitting on my lap. Yet, I am sad each time I imagine you leaving our room again. I send you soft, sweet, strong kisses all over you. You put on your sari, adjust it, I embrace you, we become one. But we must part—I open the door, you leave, and no one is there. God bless you, darling wife. Soon, we will be together again. Let us be patient.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

January 12, 1970 (58)

Angel, my Indian pearl, my golden treasure, more than myself, my wife forever,

It is only Monday, but I am compelled to begin writing you a long letter at once. The college is especially quiet today, as the students are currently taking their exams. With little to occupy me here, my thoughts and my entire being turn toward you. I have just come from the post office, where I mailed the pictures of my family to you. I sincerely hope you receive them safely, as it seems that something is still awry with our correspondence. It is inconceivable to me that you have missed seven of my recent letters. What could possibly be going wrong? Please, Angel, do try to find out, for I must repeat: my letters are for you alone. It is quite distressing to think that others may be intruding into our lives, especially now when my letters contain many important questions and requests critical to the realization of our plans together.

This week, as I mentioned on Friday, is particularly important, especially regarding your permanent visa. This afternoon, provided I do not arrive home too late, I plan to make my phone calls to the immigration office. Let us pray that my inquiries will yield positive results and allow us to remain optimistic about your permanent visa. I am determined to push the process forward this week. In fact, today I intended to fill out the official immigration form given to me four months ago when I visited the office. Unfortunately, I forgot the necessary documents at home, so I will complete this task tomorrow.

Regarding my work in Ottawa, I have a strong intuition that I will receive news from them this week. I am hoping very much for this, as I will need to make a final decision soon. Even this morning, I spoke with the college's director for pedagogical affairs. They wish to offer me nine hours of teaching per week—six hours during the day and three hours in the evening. Within two weeks, I will be asked to sign a contract. That is why I must know definitively about the Ottawa position and whether I receive it. I am fervently hoping and praying for a favorable outcome.

Darling, when I returned home on Friday, I found two long-awaited aerograms from you. The first was written on December 27, and the second on January 1. Both, though mailed in Reddipalem with only a four-day interval, arrived here on the same day. I was so glad—truly glad—for I had become almost exasperated by your silence. The content of my last letter will reflect the mood of that painful week. Hearing from you was such a relief, especially since I had worried you might have been ill.

In one of your two aerograms, you mentioned having received the two albums on Canada and Montreal, which I sent on October 1. I was delighted to hear this, as you received them during the Christmas period—almost like a gift. You also said you received two photos of me: one of myself and one taken at my parents' home. If I recall correctly, you should also be receiving two more pictures enclosed in a previous letter—one of myself and one of my car. Later, you are to receive two more letters with colored photographs of your negatives. I understand your reactions upon seeing my picture. Holding your beautiful photos, I have the same feelings and attitudes. However, I must disagree on one point: you say I am getting thin. No, Angel, do not worry—I am not getting thin. My weight is the same as when I was with you in the Philippines. In fact, I must be careful not to become overweight. Therefore, do not worry. When we are together forever, you will see I will not be thinner. If anything, you may find me a bit heavier and surely a little older. I hope you will still like me—though I know you will always love me as I will always love you.

As promised, on Saturday I wrote a personal letter to your sister, Basani Mary, especially to thank her for the photos. I hesitated to address the letter directly to your sister instead of your brother-in-law, unsure of what is proper according to Indian customs. But in the end, I decided to do so. If I was mistaken, please apologize to them on my behalf, explaining that, though I am still a “barbarian”, I am full of goodwill and very eager to learn. Of course, in my letter I did not forget to mention your brother-in-law and the children. Now, I have written to your two brothers, your sister, your mother, and your parents. Do you think I should write to anyone else? Just let me know, Angel, and I will do it.

It is now 2h00 PM. Since this morning, two groups of students have come to see me. The first group, from Pastoral, wants to organize a session next week—Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. As I mentioned before, next week is vacation time. Although I am not eager to go with them for these three days (unless I hear from Ottawa), I will do it, since it is my duty and, through my work, a proof of my great love for you. Right after, another group asked to schedule a session on group dynamics for the three following days. I managed to postpone it until the first week of February. Gradually, as you can see, the work for the next semester is shaping up—if I remain here, of course.

It is Tuesday morning, 11h00 AM. Since arriving at the office at 9h00 AM, I have worked diligently for us, making many phone calls. First, I contacted the BOAC travel agency to inquire about the price for a one-way ticket from New Delhi or Bombay to Montreal. The cost is $628 Canadian. They also assured me that it is easy to send you money for travel expenses through their agency in India. I also called Air France, whose tickets are more expensive: New Delhi to Montreal is $813, and Bombay to Montreal is $799. However, they too can facilitate sending you money for travel. Therefore, there is absolutely no problem on that front. Since BOAC is less expensive, perhaps we should choose them, but it is up to you. We will also need to add the cost of a plane ticket from Hyderabad to either Bombay or New Delhi, but that, too, poses no problem.

Next, I called the immigration office. I explained our case and asked about the required amount in my bank account. Happily, everything is in order. I was so relieved to hear this. Regarding my job, I simply need to provide copies of my contract to demonstrate that I am well-employed—again, no problem. The final requirement is an affidavit from the church, as proof that I will marry you within 30 days of your arrival. This is now the challenge I must address.

There are two possibilities, as you already know. If I can obtain this document, we can be officially married in the church before the 30-day deadline. After my call to the immigration office, I called the chancellery to inquire about my laicization process and the chances of obtaining the required papers. Unfortunately, the priest handling my case was absent, but I will follow up tomorrow. I hope to secure this document before the week’s end. If the chancellery is uncooperative, I will approach the parish priest instead. If that fails, the alternative is a civil marriage. For the civil marriage, there is no need for a church document. I also called to gather information about this process. It seems all that is required is an affidavit before witnesses, pledging to marry you civilly upon your arrival. The process cannot begin until you are here. We then complete the applications, and our wedding promises are published for 20 days. Only after this period is the date of the civil marriage set, costing between $75 and $100. From application to marriage, it takes about 30 days—just the timeframe required by the immigration office. However, this alternative still leaves the problem of obtaining official proof of my intent before your arrival. Perhaps the affidavit will suffice, but I am unsure if the immigration office will accept it. For this reason, I will do everything possible to obtain the church document, first from the chancellery, then the parish priest, and only in extreme necessity will I pursue the civil marriage.

Ideally, when I call the chancellery tomorrow, the parish priest will inform me that my laicization is only a matter of months and that there are no objections to providing the necessary document for the immigration office. Let us hope for this outcome.

You may be asking what you can do to help me with these procedures. Darling, I am glad to say that you have almost nothing to do—only to wait. When I asked the immigration officer if you had any tasks for the permanent visa, he replied that you only need to wait for notification from the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi. They will likely ask for your passport, in which they will place the Canadian visa. From then on, it is simply a matter of time. So, Angel, do not worry; by the end of April, we will be united again—not only in mind, but also physically. Love is stronger than anything, and we are living proof!

In my next letter, I will enclose a typewritten list methodically outlining all you need to do to prepare for your trip and your stay in Canada—documents, clothing, and so on. I will register this letter to be certain that you receive it. Please, as soon as you get it, begin working on the instructions and let me know immediately that you have received it. April is approaching very quickly—thanks be to God!

Do not concern yourself with what the people of Reddipalem might say if you are married by May. If God wills it, by the start of May, you will be far from them and their gossip. They will have nothing further to say against your parents, who will be able to explain that you went to Canada to get married. It truly seems as though God has arranged things for us, limiting our troubles to the minimum. God is indeed good to us, Angel. Let us continue to be grateful and to live as good people, not out of obligation, but out of love.

By the time you receive this letter, you should have the documentation from EAPI in hand. I received it via Taiwan, which suggests that my departure from the Society of Jesus is still unknown, at least to the sender. Perhaps Sr. Scholastica. Regarding this documentation, I was glad to have news and to see the faces of classmates, but it left me with a bitter taste, especially after reading Fr. Nebreda's letter.

His perennial slogan about "maturity" and the comparison between this year's group (70-71) and ours lingered with me. But what is maturity? I firmly believe that our decisions—mine and those of J.H. and Mary Guilbert—were very mature, as was our behavior most of the time. I wonder if Fr. Nebreda sees it that way. Writing this, I find it difficult to express myself, but perhaps my uneasiness with Fr. Nebreda’s declarations arises from the fact that, while he strives to appear strong and mature, his actions often reveal weakness, even cowardice—perhaps an overly harsh assessment. I recall his attitudes toward me and pray that I will soon understand his motivations, so my judgments may not be so severe.

I do recognize that Fr. Nebreda is a good man with tremendous qualities of heart. Let us pray for EAPI's success, so that those influenced by former students leaving religious life may come to understand our choices. The last page of the newsletter, asking for testimonies from former students, seems to hint at the difficulties caused by our decisions. But we had to be true to ourselves, and that is the most important lesson EAPI taught us. For a moment, I considered writing a letter to thank EAPI for helping me become who I am now, but I quickly changed my mind, realizing that some might see such a letter as cynical, which is not my intention.

Angel, darling, I hope you are keeping well and smiling. Take good care of yourself. In this letter, I have not yet told you that I love you. Nive Na Premam, my darling, my wife, may every word in this letter be a song of love for your beauty and your greatness. May every word become a passionate, warm, and sweet kiss, flowing like clear water over your beautiful body. May each word add a fiber to the rope bridge that binds our two destinies ever more closely. Angel, I love you forever. My mind, body, and heart are always searching for you, like the needle of a compass seeks the north. When you wear your white sweater from Manila, remember that it is a symbol of my love and care. Imagine that you are warmed not just by the wool, but by my arms around your shoulders and my chest pressed close to you. It is true: when I bought the sweater, I had this intention in mind. Angel, I love you. Que chaque minute nous rapproche.

Your Husband forever, André

January 15, 1970 (59)

My beautiful queen, my angel, my wife forever,

It is Thursday at 1h30 pm, and I have begun my usual Friday long letter to you. This week has been a good one. I received three letters from you—two on Monday and one on Wednesday. I have also worked diligently for us, striving to expedite your arrival by April. These achievements have made this week a positive and productive one.

First, Angel, I want to address something from your last letter. You mentioned that I had implied it might be better for you not to come to Canada immediately if my laicization is not finalized by April. That is not exactly my thinking. Even if my laicization is still pending, I would be immensely happy to see you come. While we might not be able to live as Husband and wife just yet, your arrival would still bring many advantages. Living with Odette or Monique would help you quickly become friends with them and give you insight into how a Canadian home is managed. It would also be an opportunity to learn various household skills. Most importantly, we would be together, and I would visit you nearly every day. I do worry about you feeling lonely or homesick when I am not with you, and I want to avoid that.

This is why I am committed to doing everything possible to ensure you can come by April. On your side, Angel, please complete all the necessary steps so that we have a green light for your arrival. Once everything is ready, you can decide the most convenient time to come. If my laicization is complete by then, there will be no problem. If I am still waiting, the timing of your arrival will be up to you. Rest assured that when you arrive—whether in April or later—everything will be prepared to welcome you.

This week, I worked extensively for us. As I mentioned in my Tuesday letter, I called the immigration office and the chancellery regarding my laicization, and I also received a letter from the church confirming my intention to marry you. On Wednesday morning, I followed up with the chancellery about the laicization process. The priest in charge informed me that the inquiries here are almost complete and the results will soon be sent to Rome. The timeline is uncertain, but we hope and pray it will only take a couple of months.

For the letter from the church, the priest was very cooperative. He asked me to send him a draft text, which he would promptly sign and return. I did so immediately, and I expect to receive this document tomorrow. With this, I will have all the necessary paperwork for your permanent visa application. I still need a document from the bank director to certify my account balance, but that is easy to obtain. I plan to wait a week or two, as my next paycheck will increase my balance to around $3,100, further proving my financial stability and ability to care for you. Soon, I will visit the immigration office to apply for your visa, which should arrive in about two to three months if all goes well.

This morning, I completed the visa application form and finished a detailed, typewritten letter explaining the documents you need to bring with you. After work this afternoon, I will register this letter at the post office to ensure you receive it. Please mention in your next letter that you received it.

Last night, I watched a television program about sexology, which prompted me to reflect on both of us. The psychiatrist emphasized the importance of parents displaying affection in front of their children. I thought about my behavior with you, recalling how you were often the first to show love in public and sometimes reproached me for being less demonstrative in public than in private. I explained that my reluctance stemmed from a fear of scandalizing others, a habit rooted in my upbringing, which viewed sexuality negatively.

When we are together, this primary reason for my reserve will disappear. However, I recognize that remnants of my childhood sexual education might still influence my behavior, especially around people who know I was a priest. I want to be clear: I am not saying I will behave this way, but I am aware that it is a possibility. Being conscious of this tendency is helpful, as it makes it easier to correct. I reflect on potential obstacles within myself and consider how they might affect you, striving to ensure that my awareness leads to positive change.

I hope to finish this letter by 1h00 pm, as I have a meeting then and must be in the examination hall at 2h00 PM while my students take their exam. After that, I will be busy correcting papers and then heading home for the weekend. The weekend will be quite busy, as my brother, parents, and I need to reorganize our grocery store. Saturday will be devoted to grading exam papers and working at the store, and on Sunday, I will attend Mass early before returning to help at the grocery.

I am enclosing a picture of myself, taken by my brother Robert on New Year's Day in the basement of my parents’ home. Although it is not very clear, I hope it gives you an idea of my well-being. I hope to have a better photo soon.

If I go to winter camp with my students next week, I will write you on Monday and send the letter on Tuesday morning before I leave. Angel, take care, keep smiling, and look after yourself as I would. I am constantly thinking of the moment we will reunite at the Montreal airport after our long separation. It will be wonderful. Let us be patient and courageous! My regards to your parents.

Angel, my beautiful and charming wife, please write to me as often as you can. Your letters are my sustenance, the air I breathe, and the blood in my veins. Let me know your progress with your passport and preparations for your trip and our reunion. Sending you millions and millions of sweet kisses and one eternal embrace.

Your Husband forever, André! PremAA!

January 20, 1970 (60)

My beloved wife Angel,

I am sending you this letter in haste before I leave with my team of students for a two-day session outside. While I am not particularly eager to go, it is necessary. Since last Wednesday, I have not received any news from you, but I am hopeful that when I return on Thursday, several letters from you will be waiting. Last Friday, I received a response from Ottawa regarding my potential new job.

 There is no definitive news yet; they simply informed me that I should expect further updates in about two weeks. Although this is not ideal, as it means I must continue to manage my current assignment for now, I find comfort in your words—God is with us, and everything will ultimately work out for the best.

Last weekend was particularly demanding for my family. All of us worked together in our grocery store, reorganizing the entire layout and display. The work was exhausting, but the result is pleasing, and my parents are very happy with the changes. As for me, I carried many heavy boxes and now have a slight pain in my shoulder, but I see it as proof that I needed the exercise.

Darling, I wonder what you are doing. I hope the celebration in the convent did not cause you too much trouble, especially with gossiping. I also hope you received the items I sent last week—photos, letters, and a registered letter—and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on them soon. Has Odette written to you? She mentioned to me that she would do so before the end of January.

Speaking of January, not this week but next, I plan to visit the immigration office to apply for your permanent visa. I believe I now have all the necessary documents. Last Friday, I also received the letter from the church, and it appears to be well-written and should suffice for our purposes.

Angel, I miss you very much, especially during occasions like this when I must engage with students and be attentive to their needs, all while my heart remains with you, far away. It creates a painful tension and division within me, but I strive to remain cheerful and grateful. The Lord has been good to us.

Now, it is time for me to leave. It is 9h00 AM, and I am home to write this letter. In one hour, I will be at the college, and we are scheduled to depart at 10:30 AM. My thoughts, my heart, and my entire being will continue to be with you. Nive Na premam, Jeevam, Sarvam—millions of kisses to you, sweet and passionate. One eternal embrace. We are one! Please extend my respect to your family.

Your Husband forever, André!

PS: I will be back on Friday.

January 27, 1970 (62)

My dearest Angel,

How are you? Yesterday, on Monday, I received your latest letter and felt immense joy for several reasons. Firstly, I am happy to see how kind Anasuya's family is to you, and that your visit to Anasuya was so pleasing for you. Secondly, I am glad to know that you continue to write your long letters, as they mean so much to me.

My love, I trust that by now you have received everything I sent since the beginning of the New Year, especially the photos. These include my photo with my car, the photos of your family for which you had sent me the negatives, and most importantly, my typewritten letter. It is essential that you keep this last letter very safely, as I consider it the key to our reunion and happiness. In it, I have indicated in detail the steps we will need to take to be together, based on my research and understanding from this side of the ocean.

In your letter, you mentioned "AIR INDIA," but I was referring to BOAC. However, it does not matter which airline we choose, if it meets our needs. Regarding this, please see which airline is most convenient, efficient, and helpful for obtaining your new passport and any additional documents needed for your trip. Once you decide which airline you prefer, let me know, and I will make the necessary arrangements, such as purchasing your ticket.

Concerning the affidavits you requested: based on what I know, I am unsure why you need an affidavit, as I am the one applying for your visa (which I will do on Thursday or Friday). Unless I advise you to apply yourself, please do not take any action regarding the Canadian visa; simply wait for instructions from the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi. Is that all right?

However, if the affidavit is needed for your new passport, I will do my best to send you the necessary documents as soon as possible—either next week or the following week. You can use them for your passport or any other requirements, but not for the Canadian visa. Agreed?

Regarding the $100 to be sent to Anasuya, I am pleased to know you bought saris and other items. Next week, or better yet the week after (when I receive my salary), I will send you the requested check. I prefer to send it directly to you, rather than to Anasuya. This money is ours, and I want you to see it and handle it yourself. Perhaps this sounds unusual, but it is important to me. We are one, and everything we spend or receive, we do so together. I may not be expressing this perfectly, but my intuition tells me it is the right way to begin our married life. The beginning is so important in everything—do you agree?

While writing this aerogram, I paused to make a few long-distance calls. One was to Ottawa regarding my potential new job, and I learned that I am on the list for interviews—good news indeed. Let us hope and pray for a positive outcome. At the same time, my current boss wants to meet to discuss my salary. I feel squeezed between the possibility of a new job and the contract I will need to sign if I remain at the college. Still, I try not to worry too much; God is with us, and I am confident in the results. I know you pray hard for our intentions.

Darling, your birthday is on February 4th. You will receive a surprise with this aerogram, and I hope you like it, although I will only know by about 3h00 PM when I go to mail it. The idea for the surprise came from a phrase in one of your letters, where you mentioned your parish priest had a tape recorder. Now you know what my surprise is—a small tape. It would be wonderful if you could send it back with your voice on it. But if it is difficult or you would have to trouble the parish priest, please do not worry. It would be lovely to hear your voice, but I can wait, knowing that in just a few months, we will be together.

I love you, Angel. You are the flame that keeps my life burning. I kiss you millions and millions of times. You are my princess forever, my everlasting wife.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

January 31, 1970 (63)

My beloved and great wife Angel,

It is Saturday, and like last week, I did not write to you yesterday. However, you will soon see that I have good reasons for this delay—I have wonderful news to share with you.

Yesterday, Friday, I went downtown Montreal, first to the immigration office and then to another place. If you do not mind, darling, let me keep you in suspense for just a moment longer regarding the second visit.

Friday was the last day of vacation for our students before the second session begins next Monday, and although I was supposed to work, I decided not to go to St. Jérôme. Instead, I prioritized visiting the immigration office to work on your visa.

I arrived at the immigration office around 1h30 PM. Thankfully, the waiting area was not crowded. However, when I spoke to the officer, he informed me that for an application of this nature, it would require at least one hour due to the forms that needed to be completed. So, I waited patiently in the waiting room, watching as others who arrived after me were served and then left, while I remained.

After an hour had passed, I grew a bit exasperated and decided to check on the status of my case. It turned out they had simply forgotten about me. By this time, it was already 3h15 PM, and I explained that I had an important interview scheduled for 4h15 PM elsewhere. The officer, recognizing the urgency, kindly assisted me immediately.

The interrogations began, and I submitted all the supporting documents I had brought with me: copies of my work contract with the CEGEP Lionel-Groulx (which included my salary), a letter from my bank manager attesting to my savings of $3,100.78, and a letter from the church confirming our intention to marry as soon as you arrive. I also presented my passport to prove my Canadian citizenship. The officer then asked me questions about the timeline of our relationship—when and where we met, how often we saw each other, and about our correspondence. I signed a document committing to marry you within the first 30 days of your arrival in Canada. With all these procedures completed, the officer informed me that our case, with application number B. 240199, would be forwarded by special mail to the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi as soon as Monday.

From there, our case would be reviewed, and you would be contacted to travel to New Delhi for a physical checkup and an interview with a Canadian immigration officer. The officer estimated that, provided there are no issues, the process for obtaining the permanent visa could take about three months.

At the conclusion of the interview, the officer gave me an official letter, of which I have included a copy with this letter (this copy was written by me, just in case). I also enclose a summary of my deposition, which will be sent to New Delhi and compared with your testimony during your own interview. It is vital that our statements align in all respects. I have told the truth, so I am confident there will be no problems. Please keep these documents safe for when you must go to New Delhi.

After leaving the immigration office at 3h50 PM, I went to my next appointment. As I mentioned in my previous aerogram (62), my interview for the new job in Ottawa was scheduled for next week. However, on Wednesday, my mother received a phone call informing me to attend an interview on Friday afternoon at 4h15 PM in Montreal. Curiously, the address given was the same as the chancellery where I previously completed procedures for my laicization, which initially confused me.

After calling back to Ottawa on Thursday, I confirmed that it was indeed the correct place—the Canadian Council for International Cooperation (CCIC) had rented an office in Montreal for these interviews.

At 4h15 PM, I arrived for the interview, which was conducted by three men, including one priest. The interview began in French, but I soon realized that only the priest was French-Canadian and primarily served as a spokesperson for the other two, who were English-speaking Canadians and the main decision-makers. Almost unconsciously, I switched to English, and the interview became lively and engaging. I enjoyed the discussion, speaking frankly about my past as an ex-Jesuit and my experiences in Asia.

The interview lasted approximately 20 minutes. When I left, I felt optimistic that I might get the job, even though they told me I would receive the result in about ten days, either by letter or phone call.

They seemed genuinely interested in me and my qualifications. However, upon reflection today, I feel less satisfied with my performance; I realize I could have provided better answers and elaborated more on certain aspects of my experience. Still, I understand this is a common feeling after oral exams. I remain very hopeful about the outcome, especially after interacting with the CCIC representatives—I believe we could work well together. Let us continue to remain confident!

Regarding my current job, I am trying to take things day by day, even though the contract is still waiting for my signature and the general director of the CEGEP is seeking a meeting with me. I have a rendez-vous scheduled for next Tuesday and hope to postpone it further. If that is not possible, I may have to inform him about the possibility of a new job, though I am unsure of his reaction. There is also the matter of annulling my contract as pastoral head at the CEGEP, and my teaching duties must be reassigned.

For example, last Thursday, I gave three lectures from 7-10 pm for adult students, which was a rewarding experience. Nevertheless, replacements will be needed for both my day and evening teaching roles. I hope no one will be upset by these changes.

If I secure the new job in Ottawa, there will be much to arrange, such as moving there and finding an apartment. I do not intend to live with Odette and René, even though they kindly offered, because they need their privacy. I will also need to purchase many items for the apartment—linens, dishes, and countless essentials for our home.

This means it will be difficult to save as much as I have recently, but I am not too concerned, since I have already presented my bank account to the immigration officer and set aside the money for your plane ticket. Tonight, I will repay $1,000 borrowed from my mother, leaving me with $2,100 in the bank. After setting aside $1,000 for your arrival, I will have $1,100 left to start furnishing our home. Although our bank account will be smaller, we will continue to be wise and remain filled with hope and gratitude for the future.

Angel, I realize that this letter is rather focused on practical matters at a time when you might need more warmth and affection. Please know that every step I took yesterday—every word spoken at the immigration office and during the job interview—was motivated by my love for you. You were present in my thoughts, and your support gave me confidence and happiness as I worked toward our reunion.

While waiting at the immigration office, I watched the clock, thinking of you and how each minute brings us closer together. It is truly wonderful and marvelous. My beautiful princess, keep smiling. I love you deeply; you are my soul, heart, and body forever—today more than yesterday, and tomorrow more than today. I send you millions of sweet, passionate kisses. Nive na Premam, jeevam, sarvam. An eternal embrace.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!

PS:  By next week, I hope to send you both the money and the affidavit you requested. Jacques, Monique's Husband, is currently working on the affidavit.