October 1969

October 3, 1969 (32)

St. Jérôme

Angel, my Love,

Friday has arrived, marking the end of yet another long week apart from you.

Earlier, I wrote to Anasuya, and I wonder if you have already visited her. I am unsure, as I have not received any letters from you this week. Returning home tonight after the week, I am hopeful that your letter will be waiting for me.

As I mentioned in my aerogram on Tuesday, I intend to drive to our summer house near a lake in northern Quebec province. The trees are now all red, and while the landscape would be even more beautiful if the weather improved, for now, the sky remains cloudy—much like my heart, which longs for you. Oh Angel, when will we finally be together?

Family Summer house - Matembin Lake

Currently, the radio in the students' hall is playing a sad song about two lovers, Abelard and Eloïse. Hearing it makes me reflect on our mutual love, and I am overwhelmed with sadness. Just two hours ago, a student confided in me about his great love for his girlfriend, explaining that his feelings were so strong that he could not bring himself to make love to her. I understood him completely—it was difficult not to identify with his situation. When you truly love someone, you are willing to do anything for them. I am ready to do anything for you, my beloved: to be sad, to suffer, to worry, to be patient. All these things are part of love, and you know how deeply I love you.

This Wednesday, I filled a questionnaire for my laicization—eight pages of text. I hope it will be sufficient, and that they will call me soon. I pray that my laicization will be finalized before long, so that we can be together as soon as possible.

At home, I am alone with my father and mother. On Thursday, my aunt, who is sixty-three years old, married and left for western Canada. With her departure, it may become easier to speak with my mother about you. Since I first mentioned you, she has not asked any questions—so different from your parents. I wish my mother would ask about you; her silence comes from not wanting to interfere in my private life, but I would welcome her curiosity. Now, with my aunt gone, I hope it will be easier to open up about us. I will do everything I can to make this happen.

I anticipate that the topic will soon arise, especially as my mother has noticed my careful habits of saving money and not spending unnecessarily. She does not realize that, before you arrive, I need to demonstrate to the government that I have a solid bank account, which will prove I can support you well. Additionally, I do not think my mother understands how soon I hope to marry you. My next goal is to explain our plans to her clearly. It may take three or four months to achieve this, but I am confident that, with love and patience, we can accomplish all that we hope for.

I believe I have already mentioned that my office at the college was temporary. Yesterday, I moved into my new office, which is much better situated, closer to the students’ hall. The students now pass by my door and are more eager to come in, speak with me, and discuss their problems. My work at this stage is primarily personal, as organizing special pastoral activities is not yet possible. The students dislike the word "pastoral" and everything associated with it, so if I am to succeed, it will be because of my personal qualities rather than my role. The students clearly distinguish between me as a man and as the person responsible for pastoral care; since the beginning, they have come to see the man, not the official.

In terms of workload, I expect to have even more to do soon. I will probably teach another subject in the first session—how to direct interviews, for example. I am inclined to accept, as it would increase my salary (fifteen classes at $17.50 per lecture). In the second semester, I anticipate more responsibilities, likely teaching Social Psychology and possibly a course on adopted childhood (ninety classes at $17.50 each). I am confident in my abilities to teach Social Psychology, but I am still considering whether I have the expertise to teach the second subject.

Darling Angel, I am not sure if you are interested in the details of my work, but I want to share everything on my mind. My work occupies a lot of my thoughts, and apart from it and a limited family life, there is nothing else. I do not go out to movies, theaters, or other activities—I am either at school or at home. In some ways, I am more monastic now than when I was with the Jesuits. This austerity pleases me, as it allows me to express, every minute, hour, and day, how much I love you, Bala. I am strong because of your love for me and mine for you, and I know that very soon we will be together. Then, we can go to movies, take walks, or visit places together as much as we want. It will be wonderful, won’t it darling?

Today, my writing is poor and hurried, making it difficult for you to read. One day, we will not need to write at all; instead, we will be faced to face, in each other's arms. I will be able to see your smile, your beautiful white teeth, to touch you and feel your warmth. I remember how warm you are—it will be wonderful, and certainly easier than writing letters.

Tomorrow, as I have already told you, I will go to the family summer villa. Mother asked me not to go alone, thinking it would be dull, but I assured her it would not be. In fact, it will be nice because I will have the chance to be with you in my thoughts, recalling the wonderful times we shared in Manila. Our memories of the EAPI differ; you seem to remember it fondly, but for me, it is not a pleasant memory, apart from meeting you. The rest of EAPI was filled with people watching us, playing games, and fearing scandal. For these reasons, EAPI is not a nice memory for me. Yet, I forgive those who need forgiveness and remain grateful for the friends I made there, especially Joe Burke and Joe Hubert. They were truly kind.

I still have two pages to write, aiming for six because I worry that, if I write less, you might think something is wrong—since I usually write you six pages. Even if there is nothing special or common to say, the subject of our love itself is unique, as my love for you grows each day. I cannot explain it; can you, darling? Can you explain why a Canadian boy and an Indian girl fell so madly in love, determined to reunite and build a family despite all obstacles? It is strange, but the fact remains: I love you and you love me. Because of this love, I have done things I never imagined—overcoming my fears and, on your side, seeing you request release from your religious vows. Soon, despite our differences in language and culture, I will travel to India, or you will come to Canada. Our love is powerful, great, and unique.

Tomorrow, I will be alone with my thoughts, reflecting on these things and preparing my classes for next week. I will pray and thank God for all that we have.

Angel, my beautiful wife, are you well? Are you taking care of yourself? I hope so. Have you begun drafting your long letter to me, telling everything from the beginning? In two weeks, I will visit Odette and ask her to write you a few words, if possible, though she is a bit hesitant with English.

My heart is heavy with love for you and with sadness, but let us continue to smile, for God loves us. I love you immensely, Bala. Let us prepare ourselves for our reunion. Meanwhile, I love, kiss, and embrace you with all that I am—millions and millions of times.

Your Husband who loves you,

André

NB: I do not draw our heart because people are looking at me.

Wo ai ni (Mandarine) !

Je t'Aime

I Love you

Yo te quiero

Amo te

Nive Na Premam

 

October 7, 1969 (33)

St. Jérôme

My dearest and beloved wife, Angel,

Once again, nearly two weeks have passed without any news from you, and my heart aches with pain from your absence. The longing to hear from you grows stronger each day.

Today, for the first time, my students began to ask questions about my personal life. Twice, I found myself telling them that I am engaged and that I hope to travel to India next year. It is almost a physical need for me to speak about you and about our relationship.

Although I know I should keep my private life as discreet as possible—since revealing too much could have unforeseen consequences—it is difficult for me not to be truthful. When two students asked if I was married, I told them no, but I did add that I am engaged. To one of them, I even shared that my fiancée is Indian, and I felt a deep sense of pride in saying so. When they asked about our wedding plans, I told them it would be during the summer vacation.

May God grant that this hope becomes reality.

Darling, I often wonder what you are doing at this very moment. Are you well? Are you happy? I hope with all my heart that you are. Last weekend, as I mentioned in my previous letter, I spent time alone in the countryside at the villa. During those two days, I lived entirely with thoughts of you. While working on my lectures, I kept your photograph—the one in the golden frame, with you in a sari, taken by Fr. Frederick (Editorial note: EAPI student) in front of the EAPI—always before me. I kissed your image many times, feeling your presence close to me.

On Saturday afternoon, I took a long solitary walk in the woods. Even there, I felt your presence beside me. I gathered maple leaves, their vibrant yellows and reds a reflection of the Canadian autumn. I plan to enclose some of these leaves in my next letter so that, as you look upon their colors, you might imagine the beauty of the Canadian landscape at this time of year, with its blue skies and a tapestry of golds, reds, and greens. It is truly a wonderful sight.

Yesterday, Monday, was a difficult day for me. I suffered from a headache all afternoon—my neuralgia, as you may recall from Manila, returned. In addition, I received a speed ticket from a policeman. In the mornings, elderly men are assigned to help schoolchildren cross the street safely. As I was driving, one such group had almost finished crossing, so I continued my way. A policeman saw this and stopped me, issuing a ticket. Now, I must go to the police station to pay the fine, and I hope it will not be too costly. Such are the outcomes of a so-called civilized life.

Darling, please write to me as soon as you can. I long for you immensely, and the absence of your news makes it hard for me to find peace and live without tension. I send you millions of kisses, embraces, and big hugs.

Your Husband forever, André

October 14, 1969 (34)

Na Sarvam, Bala, my wife,

It is Tuesday; my long weekend has come to an end. Yesterday, around 6h00 PM, I returned home after visiting Hull and spending time at Odette's house. The visit was truly enjoyable, giving me the chance to talk with my sister and her husband.

During the visit, I read portions of your most recent letter to them—specifically the parts where you mention that I should not go to India and that you will be the one to come to Canada. Odette and her husband listened attentively. My sister commented on the depth of our love for each other, noting how evident it is that you love me and I love you. I spoke to her about my worries concerning the possibility of you feeling homesick, as expressed in my previous letter, and the challenges of adjusting to life in Canada, which is so different from India.

Nevertheless, Odette is not very concerned about these challenges. She believes that if our love is genuine, as it surely is, many difficulties will resolve themselves naturally.

Odette also assured me that if we choose to settle near her home, she would do her best to support you and help you adapt. In my view, she is more than capable of doing so.

Gradually, everything seems to be falling into place for us, and the process of our reunion is moving forward inevitably.

I gave Odette your address, and she has promised to write to you soon, despite her busy life caring for her baby Julie. She is very reliable with correspondence; during my nearly nine years in Asia, she wrote to me every two or three weeks. She asks that you forgive her for her imperfect English, as language remains a challenge for her. Because of this, her letters may not be as lengthy as she would like, but she will write. Please, darling, if you can, reply to her as soon as possible. I hope you both will come to know each other well and quickly.

Odette and René,
Éric's Godmother and Godfather 

Today marks my parents’ wedding anniversary—possibly their thirty-sixth. This morning, before heading to school, I stopped by a bakery to order a cake for them, a small gesture of gratitude for all their kindness to me—and to us. I will pick up the cake tonight when I return home.

Last week, my workload at school was light, allowing me to leave early in the afternoons. I used the time to build a sort of wall around our balcony at the back of the house to prepare for the coming winter. The weather last week was unusually warm and sunny, a period we call “Indian - Canada first nations - summer”—a brief spell of beautiful weather in the midst of autumn.

Now, that warmth has faded, and it is getting colder. Although winter officially arrives at the end of November, it feels as if it is already here in my heart. I am cold and empty inside, for you are not with me. My heart and soul feel lifeless without my Angel. The day we are finally together again will be so wonderful.

Meanwhile, my beloved, please take good care of yourself. Be happy and keep smiling—your smile is the most wonderful thing in the world, and even Odette noticed it. I pray for you and for us, and you are always in my dreams. Every passing minute brings us closer together.

I KY, EY, HY infinitely.

Your loving Husband, André

October 17, 1969 (35)

My dearest Angel, my darling and beloved wife,

The immense pleasure I felt upon receiving your last long letter two days ago is indescribable. Your aerogram arrived at the same time, and both filled me with all kinds of emotions. I felt joy so deep that I could almost sense your presence and touch you through your words. When I read your letter for the second time in bed before sleeping—the first time was in front of my mother, and I read it too quickly—it was as if the tension caused by your departure from Manila finally dissipated, even if only for a moment. Your words expanded my happiness, offering a preview of the joy we will experience when I can take you into my arms once again after such a long separation. Yet, paradoxically, I was also overcome by sadness—a big wave rolling over me regularly. Oh Angel, my unique, when will we be together forever? I am thirsting for you, my darling.

I will now respond to your letter and add my commentaries. First, regarding Anasuya, I answered her letter about an hour and a half ago. She mentioned being very busy with her studies and learning French amidst many activities, which explains her delay in replying to you. Anasuya also expects to see you soon, knowing that you have left the sisterhood and may visit her town. Next week, I plan to write to her again and to your two brothers, Lourdhu and Raja.

Regarding my teaching, I know how much you care about everything I do, just as I care deeply about your life. Therefore, I include everything about my work in my letters—nothing is hidden from you, Angel, my second half. Things are slowly becoming clearer regarding my job. Although I am successful in teaching and fulfilling my pastoral responsibilities, I am not entirely happy with the situation. I feel I could excel even more in a different kind of job.

My teaching in psychology is something I would gladly continue full time, but the ambiguity of my current role is not well accepted by the administration, and on some points, their concerns are justified. I do not earn my salary of $8,500 with enough material work, and a pastoral role done half-time would suffice. The administration knows this is not my fault—those who hired me created the situation. Some are also aware that I receive a separate salary as a professor, which causes jealousy. Until now, I have kept quiet, but by next year, I will need to resolve this ambiguity, likely by finding another job.

I hope to work with SUCO (Canadian universities service overseas) or another international cooperation organization, and I pray that I can secure such a position before my current contract expires.

Your notes and books are still with the sisters, which is unfortunate. However, you should not be afraid to ask for your notes—they are yours. If you care about them, consider writing to your bishop for an official testimony of your release from vows, mentioning that the sisters have kept your notes. He may demonstrate Christian charity and write to them. Obtaining this letter of dismissal from your vows would be beneficial, especially if it officially states that Sister Angel Mary is now Miss Singareddy Bala Theresa. It would also be wise to have your name changed on all diplomas and official documents, such as your passport. If changing all documents is not possible, at least request an official statement confirming that “Miss Singareddy Bala Theresa was formerly known as Sister Angel Mary.” Even if your documents bear your real name, it would be prudent to obtain an affidavit asserting your previous identity as Sister Angel Mary, especially since it could be difficult to get such documentation in Canada. Ensure it is written in English.

I am glad you continue to write to your Canadian-Chinese girlfriend, but I am slightly concerned about sharing that I am a priest. I do not wish for this part of my life to be widely known, nor do I want to be seen as someone out of touch with the world. The ambiguity of my work is challenging, and part of my desire to go to India as soon as possible is to leave behind this aspect of my identity.

 Here, even family members could recognize me as a priest, which I find difficult due to my traditional background. If I do not travel to India, we may move to an English-speaking town, such as Ottawa (near Odette) or Toronto. I know this part of me will always remain, but I am willing to accept it and minimize its impact with your help, Angel. Education and understanding are crucial here.

In French Canadian history, priests who left the priesthood were often looked down upon, though attitudes have improved. For instance, a former Jesuit who left the priesthood was appointed to a significant public role. People are more accepting now, but my feelings likely stem from within myself.

From now on, you will be only “MY ANGEL”—no other name. I was deeply touched by your father’s gesture of naming your brother Raja’s next baby after me - André Reddy if it is a boy. It is a great honor, and I am immensely grateful for this intention. Please let me know the approximate date of the baby’s birth, as I want to send a gift, which takes at least two months to arrive from Canada to India.

You mentioned you are getting a bit fat, and I am glad, though I hope you do not become too fat! I love you as you are, with just a little more flesh. My only fear is not recognizing you at the airport after six months apart—how long it has been! Will you recognize me when we meet again? I hope to maintain my shape and not look much older, and to still have hair on my head. Ultimately, all these words are to say only one thing: I LOVE YOU as you were at EAPI, as you are now, and as you will be in the future. Nive Na Premam. I will love you even when you are very old.

From your last letter, I have transcribed the names of your family members and started memorizing them. I still need to learn the names of your nieces and nephews and their parents, but I think I could pass an exam on your family. I have also noted two important feasts: Dasara and Ugadi. I will find out the dates and occasions for these festivals. The other feasts are easy to remember, as we celebrate them here, except for one—the New Year, which is our wedding anniversary. On that occasion, we give gifts to parents and children. At home, to economize, we draw names and each gives a gift to the person whose name we draw. This year, I must give a gift to my father, but I do not know who has drawn my name. Angel, what would you like for Christmas? Now is the time to let me know, considering mailing times.

It is currently 5h47 PM. I am almost alone at the college, sitting in my office and eating sandwiches prepared by my mother while writing to you. I am here late because in about two hours, I will join a group of students for a T-group session. Although it is hard to work on the weekend while everyone else rests, I consider it my duty as the pastoral lead. I hope the session will be beneficial for the students.

Darling, I can hardly express how much I wish to be at your side tonight. The loneliness I feel when far from you is constant, but I always return to one thought: we will be together one day, and that day is approaching. Regarding my laicization, I have not received any news since mailing my relation to the chancellery. I will call Monday or Tuesday to learn more. The priest in charge of my file should eventually inform me about the interview that I have to pass at the diocesan chancellery. This is the next step for me.

As for you, though it is not yet certain whether you will come here or I will go to you, you can start preparing your clothes, especially Indian clothes—nice saris and Pakistani two-piece outfits like those worn by Sister Leonore. Such attire would be fashionable here and suitable for cold weather if made from heavier material. Silk is best for spring and summer, but heavier fabrics are needed for fall and winter. You could also bring leather shoes or sandals from India, as they are inexpensive there and in demand in Canada. As required, we will buy other items such as western underwear and coats here in Canada, as you prefer them.

Regarding your luggage, let me know what you plan to bring, and I can advise what will be useful here. Please bring your books written in Hindi and Telugu, and also a Telugu grammar and dictionary for me. I will teach you French, and I am confident that after six months you will be able to converse in it. You can teach me Telugu so that, when our children speak Telugu, French, or English, both of us will understand them. A dream?

It is nearly time to go, as the students are arriving. Darling, continue to be happy and smile for our future happiness. I adore you more than ever—you are mine. I kiss you a million times and embrace you with all my strength and tenderness. I hope to read your words very, very soon—my food!

Your Husband, craving for you! PremAA! André

October 21, 1969 (36)

Laval

My little but great and beautiful wife,

My Angel, my Anandam, please do not be sad or afraid. What God has united cannot be separated by men. This is "us," and very soon, we will be together. Our love is stronger than anything else.

Today, I came home early at 3h00 PM. I am alone at home—mother is out. I immediately went to the desk where she places your letters. Your aerogram was there, and I thank God for it. I am saddened, though, knowing that you are waiting for my letter this week. Still, I am glad that I will be able to touch you through your letters twice a week now.

Beloved, I should answer two questions from your letter, but I will wait until Friday.

First, regarding our plans: in my next letter, I will try my best to explain more rationally what we need to do for our reunion. For this, I need to call the chancellery about my laicization process, as I haven't heard back since submitting the questionnaire. Second, about the money you requested: I shall l include a cheque it in my next letter on Friday, as it is not possible to insert anything into this aerogram. In a letter, it is possible. Is that all right?

I came home very tired from the weekend and group dynamics. According to the students’ reactions, it was a success—even the psychologist, who was not so eager about the T-group, changed his mind. I think he came to evaluate me, but yesterday he was asking me for advice about T-group.

During the T-group session, I did not sleep much: Friday I went to bed at about 3h00 AM, Saturday at about 2h00 AM. I came back home Sunday afternoon at about 2h PM. Next weekend, I will be able to rest, but the following week, there will be another T-group session, this time within the pastoral program. Other groups also want to organize group dynamics, so, in the near future my weekends should be quite busy.

Angel, I see now that you were right about Sister Selegrina. As you say, it is good that she does not know more than what she knows and what the Mother General knows from you. Did you tell her everything about us, or only what you thought Selegrina knew?

Angel Na Premam, I long infinitely for you. My craving grows stronger every day. I only hope and pray that very soon, hopefully before April, I can take you in my arms.

I kiss your eyes, your lips with all the kisses I cannot give you now.

Your Husband who keeps alive for you,

André, PremAA

October 23, 1969 (37)

St. Jérôme

Angel, my hope, my wife, and my love forever,

It is Thursday at 4h00 PM. I am in my office with nothing urgent to attend to, which is why I am beginning my Friday letter now. Winter is truly approaching. Yesterday morning, we had our first snowfall, and today the weather is quite cold, with temperatures ranging from a minimum of 25°F to a maximum of 35°F. This is earlier than usual, as cold weather typically starts at the end of November, so we still have about a month of milder days left.

Today, I feel very lost and upset. As I mentioned before, I planned to call the chancellery regarding the status of my laicization. I called about two hours ago, and at first, they said they had received nothing from me. However, after I explained that I had written three weeks ago, they checked and found my documents on the desk—they had simply forgotten me. Now, I have an appointment for November 8th. I hope that this delay has not cost us a month needlessly. During the appointment, I plan to express my dissatisfaction about the delay and explain the urgency, since you are coming in April and we must marry within three weeks. Let us hope everything works out, as I am longing for you. Last night, you were so vividly in my thoughts before sleep; my heart felt empty except for you, Angel, who can fill it.

As promised in my last aerogram, I will outline my thoughts about our plans. There are several possibilities, all hinging on my laicization. To marry, we must wait for my complete liberation, so that is my first consideration.

·         If my laicization is completed before June 1970, then by the end of February or the beginning of March, I will go to the Canadian immigration bureau and apply for your visa as my fiancée, which should take about two months. By May, you should receive your visa, and I will send you your plane ticket—or your family may provide it. When you arrive in Canada in May, you will stay with my family for a few days, and within three weeks, we will marry and establish our home. Between May and July, you can find a job as a teacher and begin teaching in September. This is the path to our happiness.

·         If my laicization is delayed past June 1970, then at the beginning of March, I will send you the necessary affidavit to apply for a visitor visa to Canada. You or your brother-in-law can go to BOAC to apply for this visa. I will send your plane ticket, or your parents may do so. You would come to Canada in April, stay with my family—likely Odette—and find a job as a teacher. In September, you would start teaching. Then, as soon as my laicization is granted, we will marry and change your visa to one for permanent residency. This will also lead to our happiness and unity.

If we follow the second plan, you will come to Canada by the beginning of June. Even if we cannot marry immediately due to the laicization process, you could come on a visitor’s visa and stay at least six months, with the possibility of extending it until we can marry and change your visa status. You would stay with my sister Odette, and while we could not live as Husband and wife immediately, I would be by your side as often as possible. I would arrange to buy your plane ticket and send it to you once you have your visa, unless your family prefers to pay for your fare.

By November 8^th, after my appointment at the chancellery, I will have a clearer idea of my laicization timeline. Depending on the outcome, we will focus on either the plan for a visitor visa or for permanent residency, emphasizing one without neglecting the other. There is nothing official to do before the end of February. In the meantime, I will continue to save money as much as possible and monitor the progress of my laicization to see if a trip to India is possible. If by mid-February there is no hope of visiting India, I will concentrate entirely on your coming to Canada and your well-being here. If there is still uncertainty about the laicization by then, I will pursue both visa options—visitor and permanent resident.

One thing that can be clarified immediately: please let me know in your next letter whether I should send you your plane ticket. If so, I will inquire with travel agencies about how to send it to you.

As you requested, I am enclosing a $5 cheque in this letter, made out to your brother Lourdhu Marreddy. I prepared the check yesterday when I deposited my salary. So far, I have saved $1,117.19. I should eventually repay my mother the $1,000 she spent for my car and clothes, but she has told me to wait until February. Weekly, I spend about $10 on my car for gas and small expenses; this week, however, was exceptional due to a $19 traffic fine I paid for a violation I told you about previously. The traffic regulations here differ from those in the Philippines and Taiwan.

After speaking with some students, I reread what I had written and realize how down-to-earth the last paragraphs are, but I hope you understand my perspective. Money is important to me now only because of you. Every time I receive my salary, save money, refuse to go to movies, or even skip buying a bottle of Coke, it is a way of expressing my love for you. I want to ensure I can take care of you when we are together and that you will not suffer due to any lack. I have stopped smoking, drinking Coke, eating lunch, and taking coffee during the day, and I have not subscribed to Time magazine—all for you. All the money I save now is for the day we are together. Life is difficult, but I find strength and courage in working for you and loving you. This strength is new to me and further proves the truth and uniqueness of our love.

As I write these words, Angel, tears come to my eyes. The pain of separation is so deep now that tears cannot find their way out. I know that when I finally take you in my arms, after so long apart, all of this emotion will be released. I imagine that moment at the airport, wanting to be alone with you, away from everyone else, because words will not suffice; only being together will express what we feel.

I hope your parents are in good health. I have not yet written to your brothers due to lack of time, as many students have visited me and I have been busy preparing my parent’s house for winter. Tomorrow, I will finish building the balcony door, wash my car, and organize the garage. During summer, the car was parked on the street, but for winter, it is better in the garage. I also plan to read some Chinese to maintain what I have learned after so many years of effort. Sunday, I will stay home, read for my classes, and pray for both of us and for everyone who has helped us. I thank God for the gift of our love and for those who support us.

Na Sarvam, I hope you continue to be happy at home, away from the nunnery, and that you do not feel too conspicuous in your village. This week, I have often thought about your black hair, which must be growing long now. Please do not cut it; I prefer you with long hair, just as you like me better in my blue shirt with grapes.

Mary, Angel's sister

Another Friday letter, another week passes. Our reunion draws nearer. The days move slowly toward the Christmas of our reunion. Angel, my wife, I send you millions of kisses, warm embraces, and passionate hugs.

Your Husband, André. PremAA.

P.S.: What do you want for Xtmas? You did not tell me yet?

October 29, 1969 (38)

Beloved Wife, Angel,

It is Wednesday.

I did not write yesterday because in the schools of Quebec province there is a kind of public manifestation going on. Almost all the teachers declared themselves sick to show their disapprobation about a new law that the government of the province wants to pass.

The current situation in Quebec is marked by a significant divide between the French and English-speaking communities. The government is proposing a law that would establish official bilingualism throughout the province, making both English and French the standard languages in all areas.

However, this proposal has sparked considerable opposition, particularly among teachers, many of whom advocate for a unilingual, French-only approach. Their resistance to the government's plan has led to organized actions such as "March in," "sit in," and "teach in" events across the province. It appears that these demonstrations will continue throughout the week.

Personally, I support bilingualism. I find it unrealistic to expect a minority of approximately six million French-speaking people to sustain themselves using only French, especially when surrounded by an overwhelming majority of 200 million English-speaking individuals. The challenge, in my view, is somewhat utopian. We, the French-speaking community, understand that English is essential for our daily lives and future opportunities.

As a result of the ongoing situation, I only worked for two hours yesterday morning before returning home. Afterward, I took my car to the garage to prepare it for the winter season. My intention was to write to you that evening, but my mother wished to visit a friend, and I offered to drive her.

Angel darling, I am wondering how you are doing, as I have not received any news from you this week. I was hoping for a letter on Monday, but nothing arrived, and again yesterday, there was no word from you. The last letter I received was from last Monday. I continue to hope that my letters are reaching you regularly.

Regarding the upcoming weekend, I am scheduled to attend a session with about fifteen students. This gathering will focus on our Christian witness within the college. I anticipate that this session will be more challenging for me than the previous weekend activities centered on group dynamics, especially from a psychological perspective, given the nature of the work involved.

My darling, Na Premam, sarvam, and jeevam—these words may sound like an old song, but every time I express my love for you, it feels new, with fresh meaning behind them each time. It reminds me of moments when you would say my name, "André" unexpectedly—whether in each other's arms, during conversation, or in quiet moments. I would wait for you to say something more, but I realized that for you, simply saying "André” was complete and enough.

Angel, my love, my unique one, my reason for living—I hope you can keep smiling and find happiness, even as we endure the challenges of being apart. Let us hold onto hope in our hearts, prepare ourselves for the time when we will be together, and be grateful to God for the gift of our love and for those who support us.

Your Husband, craving infinitely for you,

André.

October 30, 1969 (39)

Beloved, my Angel,

It is Thursday, and I am beginning my long weekly letter to you. Today, I have plenty of time at my disposal. My morning was spent teaching two periods, followed by a lengthy meeting with other members of the student services. Afterward, I participated in another meeting with the student pastoral team to prepare for the upcoming weekend.

Tomorrow night through Sunday afternoon, I will be with ten students to explore how we can bear witness to our Christian faith within the college. I do not plan to continue these Sunday activities, as I wish to spend as much time with you as possible, especially at the end of the week—Saturdays and Sundays. These days will be dedicated to us, and we will make the most of our time together, living each moment deeply and fully. During the week, I will work, but I intend to return home as soon as possible during the weekend to be with you.

This week, I have not received any news from you. I wonder what you are doing and whether you wrote two letters last week. If they have not arrived yet, I hope they will come today or tomorrow. Angel, I am longing for you and for your letters, which are an extension of you. Many thoughts fill my mind, and this time, I want to share my reflections on my future work.

Perhaps I sound a bit single-minded, but I place significant importance on my work. My desire is for us to live together in security and happiness once married, and my career is central to that goal. There is also the matter of finding happiness in my work, and these two aspects are closely linked. I have been considering my qualifications: I hold degrees in philosophy and theology, but I believe my theological training may not be useful in the future. While I could teach philosophy, opportunities are limited. Currently, I teach psychology, though I do not have a formal degree in the field. This has led me to contemplate pursuing an MA in psychology, possibly through night classes or summer studies. I am uncertain, but I think one year might suffice. With an MA, I could teach psychology or work as a counselor, which would offer a better salary and potentially make it easier to find employment in India. However, there are complications: I would need to stop working during my studies or take several years to complete the degree part-time, which would affect my ability to earn an income. For now, it may be better to continue as I have this year. I would appreciate your opinion on this matter.

It is now Friday morning. As always, receiving your letters brings a mix of happiness and sadness.

Last night, I came home and found your two most recent letters, one posted on the 18th and the other on the 20th. They arrived in Canada on the 30th. I read them quickly in front of my mother, then again in bed before sleeping, keeping your letters under my pillow throughout the night. In a sense, you slept beside me, darling. Angel, please keep smiling and do not cry. Our reunion is approaching. Consider our separation as a time of probation and preparation for our life together and let any gossip or negative talk about us pass by unnoticed. One day, the truth will be revealed.

You mentioned that the Hindu feast of Dasara was celebrated at home with much drinking. That is acceptable, but I hope you do not drink excessively; it is not pleasant for anyone to lose control. In response to your letters, I want you to know that I am proud of our love and the strength we share. For me, all other women pale in comparison to you. However, when you mention the attentions of others—Fr. Raj, your uncle, or your neighbor—I become concerned. I know your charm and beauty attract attention, and sometimes you may not realize the effect you have. Please be careful, darling. I wish I could be by your side to protect you, but since I cannot, be cautious for both of us. My love will always be there for you, but I hope we do not have to endure more suffering.

I have numbered this letter #39. If I have missed a few numbers, it is because I lost track, but from now on, I will continue with #39 onward. You can check the dates from the 31st letter onward to see if you have received all of them. I have faithfully written two letters each week, always on Tuesday and Friday, except for this week when I wrote on Wednesday but mailed it early so it should arrive as usual.

Recently, I have had many passionate dreams about you, recalling our early moments together, such as the time we went to the movies with Zecha and Selegrina (Editorial note: Both, EAPI students). It was crowded, and we were very close, embracing and sharing a deep connection. My feelings for you are intense, and although we could not be truly united, these moments were expressions of our love. Only God knows the depth of my feelings, and you understand, as you have shared similar experiences. Angel, I adore you and wish you all the happiness in the world. Try to find happiness at home and make your parents happy, as I strive to do with mine.

This week has been marked by protests among professors and students regarding the right of French Canadians to speak French. Today, Friday, classes have stopped, and teachers are heading toward the Quebec Province Parliament for a demonstration tonight at 9h30 AM, expected to draw around 50,000 people. I hope it remains peaceful. Although classes are canceled, I had to attend as part of administration and student services. This morning, I also attended the funeral of a professor's grandmother, representing the school. Now, it is 2h00 PM at the college, and it is quiet except for a few students in the recreation hall. The students preparing for the weekend pastoral session are finishing their preparations and will return soon.

I am uncertain about how this weekend will unfold, but I trust in the Lord's guidance. Saturday night at midnight, we will have our Mass, and I will pray for you and both of us. We will finish on Sunday at about 3h30 PM, and since the location is 80 miles from home, I expect to be back by 5h00 PM. Then, Monday will come quickly, and I plan to call the chancellery about possibly moving my scheduled meeting with the diocese earlier, as every week gained is important for us.

Along with your two letters, I received one from Odette, who mentioned she wrote to you and expects you have received it. Please write her back, even if it is just a few words—it would be appreciated. I also plan to write to your two brothers today, addressing each separately, even though I do not know them well. I will write to them as I would to my own brothers.

This afternoon, I feel terribly lonely—alone in my office, alone in the college, with no one to truly communicate with. I know that you are the only one with whom I can communicate deeply. While I can converse with many, only with you do I share from the heart. This week, I have felt this acutely with my parents, especially my mother, who tries to engage with my interests but struggles due to differences in background and culture. It is hard not to have someone to talk to as an equal, but it reminds me that when we are together, we must share everything with each other—our work, problems, and thoughts. I will try to understand your experiences, and you will strive to understand mine. With my parents, communication is limited; my mother and father do not speak to each other, and they rarely sit together to chat. It is a pity, but it serves as an important lesson for us: we must always communicate. The worst thing would be to keep silent when sad or upset. No, darling, we must speak—it is a deal. I say this because silence has tempted us before, but through our suffering, we now understand the necessity of communication for our love to grow stronger.

Angel, my darling, my unique love, there are only a few lines left on this page. Yes, I feel sad. I send you strong and unlimited kisses. Keep smiling, darling. God loves you, and I love you too. May every minute bring us closer together! Angel, ma Chérie, I feel deeply for you, for all of you, and I am yours forever.

Your Husband, André! PremAA!